Today I thought it would be fun to discuss bedtime routines. At my house, my kids never want to go to bed. It can be a big struggle. So we have established some bedtime routines to help the kids understand that bedtime is…well bedtime! I am big on routines, always have been. I like to have some time to unwind with the husband at night. I’m selfish like that :)! And I truly believe that kids need their sleep.
*image found here {along with some good bedtime tips at Better Parenting}
My kids are so much happier and cooperative when they have had a good night’s rest. We always try to read scriptures together and have a family prayer as a family right before the younger kids bedtime. The older kids work on their homework and the two youngest kids get ready for bed with one parent. Our youngest girls go to bed at 7:30 in the winter and 8:00 in the summer (on most nights).
We do a quick room pick up if needed and then use the restroom, get pajamas on, put our dirty clothes in the hamper, and then brush teeth. They can each pick a story for us to read or have us tell them a story (my husband is great at making up stories). Then we say individual prayers with each child. When it is time to get in bed with the lights out, they are able to listen to a short book on tape or some calming music while they try to fall asleep. If they did not cooperate with the bedtime routine, the consequences are that they don’t get to listen to their CD or Book on Tape, which is a real treat for my kids.
The routine for the older kids is much the same although their bedtimes vary, and we don’t have to help them get ready. But we always try to tuck them in and make sure one of us says their prayers with them. Now, things here are never perfect. Even though we have a well established bedtime routine, we still get the “I don’t want to go to bed” complaints, or the “I’m starving” delay tactics. Or even the all out crying! **Sigh** Although, I can’t say as I blame them. I am notorious for putting off bedtime for as long as possible myself! So my question to you is…
What do you do that helps out with your bedtime routines at your house? Any special tricks or tips you have learned to help bedtime go smoothly at your house?
**Thanks for your participation in advance. I would love to hear from you and I know my readers will to. Since every family is different your comments could help someone who may be struggling with this.
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necha says
Did I write this? We do almost the same thing as you! (Our girls are ages 3 and 4.) But my husband usually gets home at 9:00pm so I have the girls get their jammies on, and teeth brushed before he comes home. As soon as he gets home we read scriptures. They help us read by repeating verses back to us. (It has taken us 6 months to get through 1st and 2nd Nephi that way lol) and then we have family prayer. Then we go to their room where we help them with personal prayers. Then hugs and kisses and they get in bed. They listen to music while they fall asleep, and they each have to sleep with a book. Sometimes they lay there and talk for an hour. Sometimes they read their books for a while. Sometimes they just fall right to sleep. And that is our routine!
Liz says
It’s been 3 yrs and we are in alma :)
Our bedtime routine is the same every night – – pick up, brush teeth, put on jammies, read story, chat w/Daddy, lullaby cd, and lights out.
My older son {he’s 6 now} has always done well with bedtime, but my 4 year old is tantrum city. Some nights, it’s just at bedtime. Other nights, it’s every two hours with all out crying. I’m exhausted and out of ideas. Just hoping it’s a stage.
I, too, am selfish about my alone time with my husband after the kids have gone to bed! At first we didn’t have a routine and kinda went with it. Then after our second daughter was born, it became more difficult to just “go with it.” We realized we needed to establish a routine or we were gonna go crazy because we had to give up our alone time! After reading many suggestions on what to do for a bedtime routine, we finally settled on a bath right before bed as best for us and our kids. So at about 7-7:30 the girls hop in the tub, at about 8-8:30 we tuck them in bed and read them stories. That’s our routine. Fairly simple but it works. It’s especially helpful when we’re away from home. It lets the girls know that nothing has really changed, it’s just a different place, but it’s still bedtime.
This became especially clear to me when my BIL and SIL were staying with us. They don’t have a routine and their kids were bouncing off the walls, screaming, and more or less going crazy. I’m not criticizing them and their way of doing things, but I could never do it that way.
This is super close to our bedtime routine as well. And the routine does help but my 3 yr old hates going to sleep and it has been really hard trying to figure out how to get her to stay in bed. A few things I have found that help her are:1- The very last step of bedtime routine I lay next to her and snuggle and sing some songs, it helps calm her body down and get it to stop moving so she realizes she is tired. 2- The first step of bedtime routine is “Last chance potty” (I yell it the same way Bob and Jillian yell last chance workout) This is the time they go potty and get drinks, find their stuffed animals they can’t sleep w/o. This way we don’t have the million “requests” they use to get out of going to sleep. And 3- this is where I get mean, if they get up out of bed (more than once) or are fighting, playing etc, they get a time out in the garage. all other “time outs” are still better than being in bed so I had to make bed time, time outs a bit more harsh.
Our kids are 15, 7 and 4. They are required to do homework as soon as they get home. They are allowed to use the restroom, get a snack and then straight to homework. In between homework and supper we usually have some activity like Boy Scouts or baseball. If there is no after school activity, they are sent outside to play until supper time. After supper, it’s straight to bath – then pajamas. If there is anytime left over, we might watch a short show on tv or have a spontaneous kitchen dance party :) Teeth are brushed at 7:55. If I haven’t had to yell/beg or threaten, the 4 year old will get a bed time story at his bed time, which is 8pm. The 7 year-old goes to bed at 9pm and the 15 year-old goes to bed whenever. We allow her to choose her bedtime, as long as her grades are good and she gets up on her own in the mornings. So far, this has worked for us, but we have no problems adjusting the routine when the need arises.
I found this just this week! This chick knows her stuff!
http://toddlerboredombusters.blogspot.com/2011/03/schedule-for-toddlers-11.html
She does Toddler posts on mondays and this week she included a checklist for daddy and the kids.
Amazing! I love Valerie, you should check her out!
When our kids were younger (18mo & 3) it was a nightmare to get them to bed and stay in bed. Our routine remained a constant but Mom & Dad were pulling out their hairs after 2 hours of up & down. About this time we got turned onto Love & Logic. The principles rang true to our philosophy of parenting. Honestly, I thought every parent was just winging it and doing the best they could. If you’re not familiar with L&L I encourage you to look into it. What did L&L do for our bedtime? EVERYTHING. As we began respecting our kids during the day by giving choices & +/- consequences, bedtime was no longer a chore. (It was seriously like magic!! Within a week we had NO problems). We could let go of choices that didn’t matter like: picking out which jammies, and what the order of “dress, potty & brushing teeth” are, who gets to brush your teeth 1st, you or me, ect. Our routine hasn’t changed. Our kids are now 2, 4, 6) It is very basic: after the above steps we have scripture or AoF (we used to do a Primary song… we should reintroduce that one…) family prayer, individual prayer then in beds & lights out. I truly think consistency is key, same time, same routine. We never have problems anymore, even when the routine gets ruffled by a late night, ect. Good Luck!
My son is almost 2. He gets a bath, jammies, books, prayers and then it’s lights out by 7pm, nightly. It works for us!
I think that the title of the post says it for itself ROUTINE..it doesn’t matter what you do as long as there is a reliable routine at bedtime. My husband is the bedtime routiner around here except Wednesday nights so I am familiar with the routine and it goes something like this: we make sure we have left no trace(if you have a scout you will understand what leaving no trace means…if not it means that you have left nothing of yours out), get jammies on, items out for the next day, brush teeth, read a story(we read our scriptures in the am) say a family prayer and they disperse to their rooms and wait for dad to come. He is so cute with them and he has something special he does with each one of them(an example is with my daughter he says I love you more than….and she says I love you more than….and this goes back and forth a few times..it truly is the sweetest thing to hear) and this is when they say their individual prayers as well. They so look forward to their one on one time with dad even if it is just for a few minutes!
I love the idea of the family prayer before sending the kids in for individual routines. We do all the typical stuff with jammies, teethbrushing, etc. The one routine thing I do that’s different between the boys, is I snuggle in with Snuggle Bunny for about a half hour. WD was never a snuggler, but SB loves his snuggle time.
My little 20 month old has the most scheduled nightly routine. And it is literally all thanks to her! We have been totally blessed with a little girl who LOVES to get ready for bed. Every night we have dinner. She has bath time, or she would think of it as play time in the water. Daddy always gives her a bath and because he gets home later from work this is their special time to play with bath crayons and squirt bottles. After bath she brushes her teeth and hair, gets “lotioned up” (gotta keep that baby skin smooth) and dressed. She always walks herself upstairs when its time for bed. She turns on her music and “Mr. Frog” her humidifier and we put her in the crib.
She is such an angel……….when it comes to bed time. Now if we could get her to cooperate in every other routine as easily. Especially the morning routine. That is one we need help for!
I agree with Julia…the biggest part of bed time success is consistency. Everyone I know that has success with bedtime has a plan and sticks to it. Even with my 10 month old, as soon as I established a regular routine, started sleeping better. I also have noticed that earlier bedtimes coincide with better sleepers. When kids get too tired, it’s harder to get them to bed.
I made a daily chart for my 3 kids (ages 8, 6, and 3) to help them be responsible and independent. Everyday they have 4 sections to check off: Morning goal, Homework goal, House goal, and Evening goal. Each goal has several small tasks involved–this simplifies things for them very nicely. All I have to say is, “Okay guys, do your evening goal–the timer is set for 15 minutes!” Then off they go…they put on jammies, brush teeth, and say prayers all on their own.
I really love this way of blocking their daily tasks into 4 easy sections–it eliminates so much whining and demanding! One of my kids is VERY argumentative (the other two are not), and this system has saved my sanity!
I’ve learned that it helps to separate the two older kids while they do their goals–have one start on teeth first, while the other starts on jammies first. Otherwise they play or fight to easily.
And some kids (like my 8 yr old) still like to get out of bed…to ask a question, get a drink, whatever. When he was little, I seriously had to remind him EVERY night that if he got out of bed, he would have to stand on the porch (for about 5 seconds, but that’s horrible to a little kid!) Now I just say, “Remember the rule, goodnight!” The rule is, if he gets out of bed he loses his treat on Saturday.
I kinda don’t wee ones anymore but we have stuck to the same schedule since our first was born. My husband and I realized from the beginning that we also needed our time together. Even if it is to sit and just watch TV. So we have always been strict with our bedtimes.
We have 3 kids, ages 11 1/2, 9 and 5. Our bedtime routine usually starts after whatever activity that we have that night… soccer, dancing, late dinner… baths and shower starting anywhere b/c 7 and 7:30, TV, relax, dessert. 8pm everyone goes to bed. Kisses all around. The little one gets a story read to him in his room. Since I have been blessed with kids who LOVE to read…the older 2 get reading time every night. Max can stay up till 9 to read and Grace can read to 8:30. I do have to check to make sure their lights are off b/c my oldest would read well past 10pm if we dont monitor him! That boy needs a Kindle!
But this depends on the night – but this is our typical routine. We do have some stragglers some nights, but all I have to say to that is… patience, patience and we are glad we have a DVR!!
I have an 8 year old and a 5 month old. Our routine is the 8 year old must be in her room at nine. I homeschool so her bedtime is later because we can wake up later. She can read or listen to music. Daddy tucks her in by talking about their day for a little bit and then praying. I (mommy) put the baby to sleep by changing clothes, bathing and rocking for a minute. Then my husband and I lay in our bed and watch tv and discuss our day. Does your routine seem to change in the summer?
Yes…in the summer we find we get to bed later as we are usually outside or doing something. But the routine is usually the same, but faster :). Sometimes if it is really late we skip the book and listening to a tape.
My boys are very closely spaced and have always shared a room. Whenever bedtime gets off-kilter (which it does at least once a year, even now that they’re 12, 13 and 14 – and they get just as cranky as 2, 3 and 4 YOS without enough sleep!) we resort to the same tactic:
After our bedtime rituals (teeth, PJs, prayer etc.) we sit in their room and read a book (silently to ourselves) until they are asleep. Whenever one of them starts talking or thrashing around I remind them, ” Eyes closed, head on pillow, face the wall”
It sounds harsh but it works so well. They always fall asleep within about 20 minutes and are so much nicer the next day for it.
For us, the time after lights out has involved every infraction from wrestling, snuck books and lights, iPods, making faces… the list is endless. By having that time supervised they have no choice but to calm down and sleep. After a few nights they’re back in the habit of going to bed nicely and we get to just tuck them in and go.
We also deal with “stragglers” by asking everyone to gather up what they need for the night before they put on PJs. That way they know they’ve had their chance to get a drink/book/new pillow etc.
The other thing we’ve just started doing now that the kids are older is we’ve put a small ‘medicine box’ (mint tin) in their cabinet with benadryl, tums, bandaids etc. There is also a log book so if they take a Benadryl they write down the time and their name and then tell me in the morning. It’s saved us so many visits for allergies and stomach aches. Plus the kids can learn to manage simple health troubles independantly.
After dinner and chores this is how our bedtime routine goes:
Family prayer then..
7pm: Showers. 6,8,10 year old brush their teeth and get ready for bed.
4 year old gets help with pjs, teeth and we have stories then bed.
7:30pm: We read a book to 6,8,10 year old.
8pm: Tuck in 6 and 8 year old. 10 year old gets to have some big girl time, and goes to bed at 8:30pm
The youngest kids have been having trouble getting to bed before we changed to the above routine. So staggering the bed time, reading books to them and saying they will have no TV the next day if they hop out of their bed and/or are disruptive seems to have worked.
Thank you so much for some helpful ideas. I am going to try the music idea with my 3 year old who since we moved has taken up the sleeping habits of a newborn and wakes up every 2-3 hrs. I appreciate everyones comments as well.
I agree that a routine is helpful. We actually warn our daughter (almost 2) that it’s almost bed time. That way she can mentally prepare that she will be going to bed soon. Our routine from there is pick up the toys, bath, diaper and put jammies on, brush teeth, then it’s bedtime. We would like to read her a book she never seems awake enough for one, so we just put her to bed. Most of the night is reading books anyway because she loves them so I’m not worried about that. We actually allow her to have a book in bed along with her lovies.
My oldest was really difficult to have a routine with. He was constantly out of his room and into mischief. Now it is much better. We go upstairs at 7 (I send my kids (4 and 6) to bed early it seems). My oldest has a soak and my youngest gets her jammies on. Everyone must have jammies on, rooms cleaned up, teeth brushed before 7:30. I read a story to my youngest and my husband reads to my oldest. If they throw fits getting ready for bed, then no story. I know that this is a no-no in many people’s eyes, but it is a great motivator for my kids. My oldest then reads until about 8. They can’t come out of their rooms in the morning (except to go potty) until 7 on school days and 7:30 in the morning on other days. We maintain this routine all year and then we don’t have to deal with the adjustment when school starts back up.
One of the things I do is give my kids a count down. For example, I shout out, “30 minutes until bed time…”, the “15 minutes until bed time…”, etc. etc. This seems to help my kids begin to plan. Then when I actually say it is time for bed, no one is surprised. And if anyone has an excuse when the time comes, I can politely remind them that they were given ample notice, and it is time for bed.
My sister has a great routine with my niece (10) and nephew (6) that is inviolate (even when guests like me are there). They begin getting ready at 8:00 with pajamas, washing up, etc. Then they have a half hour of “calm time” where they get to watch a movie on the couch with their blankets. They each get to pick a movie every other day. It really is amazing how “calm” they get with this routine. My brother in law invariably has to carry my already sleeping nephew to bed for his tuck-in and then my niece groggily makes her way to bed with a tuck-in from my sister. It really works well.
My oldest used to be very needy at bedtime, often requiring an hour or more of cuddling to settle in. When he turned 2.5 or so, he just ‘got it’ and started going to bed fairly easily. Of course I had another newborn by then, so I really appreciated the break, and at 4 yrs he still goes to bed easily. My youngest, now 2 yrs, also goes down fairly easily, but he’s still in a crib, and will be switching to a big boy bed soon. I’m sure that will make things a little more difficult.
Our routine starts with a warning that bedtime is coming, then we entice the kids upstairs with teethbrushing (which they adore). Sometimes jammies go on first, sometimes not. Then a story, some cuddling for the youngest, and we’re done.
We have two boys – almost 3 and almost 5. We try hard to follow most Love & Logic principles along with many of the ideas already talked about. Routines and choices are incredibly important. However the best hint I came across was just recently – and I can’t remember where I read about it. But it has changed the “going to bed” issues for our older son for the better. After all the usual routines like bath, teeth, prayers, stories, etc. we used to let him play or read quietly in his room with the lights off until he was tired and crawled in bed – but that often lasted far too long and he wasn’t getting enough sleep. Now the rule is that he has to have 15 minutes of quiet time in his bed with all lights off, laying down with covers on. That 15 minutes usually turns in to more like 20 since he can’t tell time yet. Then after that amount of quiet time, if he is still awake he can have 10 minutes reading in his bed with a flashlight. Then back to quiet time in bed. 90 % of the time he is asleep before I can even get in there after his first 15-20 minutes. All he needed was that time laying down to actually let himself go to sleep – but the motivation of possibly being able to stay awake later makes it interesting enough for him to submit to the quiet time. Hope that makes sense. It really has made a HUGE difference!
We have a one year old daughter. Our bedtime routine starts with drinking her sippy cup of warm milk, putting on pjs, brushing teeth, taking her teething medicine (if needed) amd then saying goodnight. We go to her room, turn on the cd she’s listened to since she was 2 months old and put her in her crib. Then she happily goes to sleep on her own. Thank goodness!
Routines are SO important for kids!!
We do a lot of the same things as you, but I try to cut back on the excuses they can give me by giving them a bed time snack about a half hour before we start our routine, and give them a sip of water before bed. We also make sure our oldest has used the bathroom, so that’s not an excuse she can use either (younger one is still in diapers). Honestly, I think the older your kids get the harder it gets, just because they know you are still awake, and they don’t want to miss out on any fun! I like your idea about having consequences if they don’t go to bed!
Love routines, and swear by them! I also love my alone time with the hubs, it’s good for you to have that as well as for the kids to have a routine I think. My little boy (almost 2) gets a bath, teeth brushed, says goodnight to everyone and is, off in dream land every night between 7:30 and 8. My little girl (4) gets her pj’s on while I am bathing brother, and picks up her room, and usually brushes her teeth. Then when brother is in bed, we brush her teeth if she didn’t already, use the restroom, and we say prayers, read scriptures and then it’s lights out. My kids have always been so good at going to bed. I contribute most of this to the bedtime routines. But also, they love their sleep. So grateful!
I just read this post at Simple Kids: http://simplekids.net/early-birds-and-night-owls/
and I thought the idea of bedtime baskets was great…a basket each kid gets to put a few books and toys in to keep in their bed…they can look at the things before going to bed at night or if they wake up too early in the morning!
My routine is similar to yours. I have the snack problem also. What I have done to help alleviate that excuse is to give them a snack and drink right before bed and tell them that is it. Then we brush our teeth and go to bed and do that part of the routine, maybe that will help and they will know that they will always get something. Who doesnt get nighttime munchies.
We have a very similar bed time. Pick up, brush teeth, pajamas, read book, read scriptures, say prayer and in to bed. Some nights there are bigger fights than others. But as soon as I say brush teeth, he knows what is coming. I only have one, and he is 3 he gets up very early in the morning so he has an early nap, 10:30. He brushes teeth right before nap too, so we have the same task kicking off both the nap time and bed time routines. I find that having the same task start both sleep times helps him switch gears from play to bed a lot faster.
Our bedtime routine is basically the same thing. We have four kids under 8. One thing we do different is for reading time is allowing an extra half hour (before lights out) is individual reading by themselves (or with their roommate) with a clip lamp. I use this as a privilege… so if there’s fighting (one light per room) or not listening to the bedtime routine then I removed their lamp. Works great and they older ones know the time to turn out the lights since they have an alarm clock next to their bed. It has helped us out tremendously.
My trouble is how long my 5 year old likes to take when brushing her teeth/getting ready for bed. The problem is that her 2 year old brother moves faster w/o playing around and gets his stuff done first. She ends up left in the bathroom alone because I’m getting her brother into his PJs and she then gets upset. We’ve had talks, I’ve tried a timer…but nothing really gets her to focus on the task at hand. It’s a part of the day, I don’t look forward to every day! And it happens even with daddy there when he’s getting my son ready…it doesn’t matter. She loves to “smell the roses” with everything she does…no hurry, no timeline. Not sure how to get this “fixed”. She’s also the last person to finish her lunch at school and then complains that she doesn’t get enough time to play. The teacher has told me it’s because she ends up talking the whole time the kids are eating…hrmm..