Here is Heather in her own words. “I hope you will stop by. As women we are constantly trying to juggle a million responsibilities. With these responsibilities can come a lot of stress. Throw children into the picture, and before we know it, we are taking all our stress out on them. Our kids are right in front of us so they seem to be the ones that have to endure our short fuses. It is not on purpose, it just happens. Isn’t it interesting that we often treat strangers and coworkers better than our own family. If we will slow down for a minute and think about it, we can usually pinpoint the cause of our stress. Are we tired, overwhelmed, marriage stress, money trouble, or work issues?Maybe we have just had a long day. Regardless, Stress is going to happen, and we should do all we can to avoid taking it out on our children. They don’t understand what we are dealing with and it is not their fault. On top of that, dumping our stress on our children is not the answer either. It isn’t healthy for them, or us. We don’t need to make them our sounding board and tell them all our problems. At their age, they don’t to be worried about grown up issues. They don’t understand them, and can’t fix them. Given that life is not stress free…what can we do?”
Don’t Multi-task – Focus on your children
Remember LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E. When we have a lot on our minds, and a lot to do, it is easy to think that multitasking is the answer. When we are trying to answer the phone, fold laundry, help kids with homework, make dinner, AND listen to our 8 year old talk about their school day, everything else will be more important than what our child is trying to tell us.
We take our frustrations and stress out on our children because they are making it hard for us to get EVERYTHING ELSE done.
The laundry can wait, and so can dinner. Sit down with your child. Eye level, face to face. Give them your undivided attention and focus on their words and their facial expressions. Not only will it bring you closer, but we won’t see them as a stress, we will see them as the children we love more than anything. Besides, children can see right through us. They know when we are not paying attention. It doesn’t make them feel good.
See things from our children’s perspective
Our children don’t mean to upset us. They are young, learning, and inquisitive. They don’t know hurry, rush, or quick. If we can take just a second and see things from their eyes, we will not be so quick to take our frustrations out on them.
See our Children as People
When we are stressed, it is easy to see our children as objects. Objects that are keeping us from what we are trying to do. We are trying to make dinner, or answer the phone, or fold the laundry and their need for help or attention is getting in the way. We need to see them as people. Little people. They have thoughts and hopes and dreams and good days and bad days just like us. It is the laundry that is actually getting in the way of us being with our kids, Right?
Laugh
When all else fails, Laugh. When you are ready to loose your temper with your children because you are stressed, laugh first. Even if you have to force yourself. You will find it fixes a lot of things.
Minimize
We need to make the spaces in our lives manageable. When we have more than we can maintain, everything becomes overwhelming and stressful and we take the stress out on our kids. Give away, throw out, and get rid of. The clutter in our homes AND cars becomes overwhelming and makes the other stresses seem even worse.
Don’t Over Schedule
We shouldn’t over schedule ourselves or our children. Too many things on our family plates will always bring stress. Our kids don’t need to be involved in a million extra curricular activities, and we don’t have to say yes to everyone’s requests. We need to PROTECT our family’s time. This protection will bring peace and time together. Plus there will be less rushing. Rushing compounds stress.
Establish a routine
We need to put our families and children on a routine. With a routine, we will know what to expect and so will our children. This will eliminate a lot of stress that comes from the unknown and from struggles with bed time and meal time. Our children will be better behaved when things are predictable. This mean less stress triggers for us as mothers.
Have Realistic Expectations
We don’t have to be super women. And, we SHOULD NOT COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS. We need to be realistic about what we can tackle and undertake. No one has our unique set of circumstances. When we start comparing we tend to see everyone else’s strengths and our weaknesses. It is never a fair comparison. We should surround ourselves with people and things that are supportive and uplifting. Not things that make us feel inadequate. Just because we aren’t doing the same things other mother’s do, doesn’t mean we aren’t doing a great job.
Manage your Time
Clique, I know, but vital. Time management is so important to our lives. We do need to stay organized and manage our responsibilities and the time it takes to get things done.
Plan Ahead
This goes right along with managing our time. Being prepared and planning ahead will help eliminate a lot of our family stress. Make lunches for school the night before, lay out clothes the night before, even set the breakfast table before you go to bed each night. Round up backpacks and school work, shoes and socks before everyone goes to sleep. Make reasonable preparations to eliminate having to rush. Rushing brings stress, especially with children. Children don’t understand rushing.
As mother’s we are always taking care of other people. We forget to take care of ourselves. We should pick one or two things we would like to learn or get better at, hobbies or interests, and find time for them. Along with this, we need to eat right, exercise, even if it is just a walk around the block, and get enough sleep. When we are hungry and tired we loose our temper and take our frustrations out on our kids.
Play together as a Family
Find time at least once a week to do something fun together. It doesn’t have to cost money. We have to find time to recreate and relax together as a family. It is through these fun times that we really get to know each other. Life needs to be filled with work and play. When families play together they grow closer, develop stronger relationships, and have more patience for one another. Plus it is a needed diversion from the stress we deal with each day.
Stress is part of life. Taking it out on our kids doesn’t have to be.
DO YOU EVER CATCH YOURSELF TAKING YOUR STRESS OUT ON YOUR KIDS?
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Natalie @ Queen of Whirled says
Great advice heather. My life is total chaos, but I strive to remain calm and loving toward my daughter. It’s a struggle. But learning to leave more time for things that used to take me 3 minutes (like getting out the door) has helped immensley. With a toddler who wants to assert her own independence (and a herniated disk that prevents me from carrying her everywhere) I start heading toward the car 15 minutes earlier than I used too so that I’m not stressed about being late for work.
lindi says
THANK YOU
Melissa says
Amy, thanks for the new series and Heather, thanks for the reminders! I’m a mom of a toddler with another on the way (due to arrive in July) and I’m beginning to get the nesting stress! It’s so easy to feel like my toddler is in the way when it’s truly other things getting in the way of my time with him. Thank you for that reminder today and I look forward to your future tips!
– Melissa
Vanilla Bean Crafts says
Great advice!! We should all take it!
Christy says
Great Advice! I needed to hear that today. Thanks! :)
Shari says
wow, i SO needed this. thank you!!!!!!!! hope it’s OK to repost on my blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY parent needs reminders like this.
Haley K says
Absolutely loved this post :) Wonderful advice!! Trying to see things at their perspective (and even literally getting down to their eye level with you speak with them) is so important…my child development classes in college emphasized that :) And amen to laughing and playing together!! I’m going to file this post away to keep as our family grows. Really loved this. Thanks for sharing Heather!
Angie says
Thank you.
Laura B. says
I’m so excited for this series and for all of Heather’s insight! Amy, thanks for coming up with another AWESOME series!
Beth Farr says
Thank you so much for the advice! Right now, I am a single mom to 4 boys! Our family is relocating in a few weeks and my huband has been at his new job for several months already. With the impending move and all the end of school year activities, I REALLY needed to hear all of this!!
Sarah says
Thanks! Life is really BUSY at this time. Sometimes we need little reminders to slow down and enjoy our time with our families.
Thank you for the tap on my shoulder.
Amy says
Terrific advice and very timely. Especially in this crazy world of blogging- at times it is so easy to get caught up in all the “things” and not really enjoy the TIME. Thanks for the reminder.
xoxo,
Amy
Sharon at Momof6 says
This is a fantastic post! Thank you!
You know, I shared this post on twitter…. but I also decided to link to it on my Sunday’s Links to Love post (5/29) over at http://www.momof6.com.
Thanks again!
EXCELLENT advice and needed RIGHT NOW! Thank you…
Thank you. I am going to print this out and pop these words of wisdom in a frame.
I really enjoyed this message. Thank you!
I am excited about this series! I need to remind myself not to mulitask all the time :) Also, rememberng that “childrent don’t understand rushing” is something we have learned especially with our nine year old daughter. Thanks for the GREAT post!
Thank you!!! I really really love this message! I’m excited for this series!! :)
I needed to read this today. Thank you.
This entry was so on point. I’m a single young mom juggling everything and I’m constantly stressed. I absolutely needed to read this. My 6 year old knows I’m not giving her all my attention so she does little skits and dances to get me to talk, I usually say that’s great n I get right back to doing what ever I was doing for ex. reading, cleaning, writing a paper or song writing and then I’m sleeping a lot because I’m burnt out. Yea I’m really going to push everything aside laundry can wait and so can dinner. Her bed time is 7pm. After 7 I can worry about that stuff, Writing a song can wait as well. I know like any mom I struggle to find time for myself, right now I’m suppose to be getting ready for class yet I’m leaving comments maybe because my little one is still sleeping lol…time management is a must for us moms ;) thanks for the article (I solved my own problem too)
I think so many of us can relate to exactly everything you shared here! Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It is a great reminder to all of us about the truly important things. Every one is human though and figuring out how to deal with the stresses of life is a very human quality! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us! xo
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Hi Heather, i’m a mum with 2 girls n my boy on the way… due at the end of the month so a lot of stress to organize everything n i’m starting bk classes in a bit n work so the stress is already beginning before i even start anything….the advice here is incredible each point goes hand in hand … so thank you for the advice and i’ll be taking a step back for here and doing things different from now onwards
Nicole, thank you so much!