Gratitude doesn’t come naturally to our children. It is learned. So, as parents, “Teaching our Children Gratitude” should be at the top of our parental to-do list.
Good research has found that adults who are grateful report having fewer health problems (like digestion and headaches), more energy, and a greater feeling of well-being than those who complain. Most studies show that the more gratitude we show, the healthier and happier we are.
Can’t we assume findings would be the same for children? Children who express gratitude are kinder, more appreciative, more empathetic, happier and more enthusiastic. Grateful children understand that other people have needs and they look outside themselves. They are more polite, usually better behaved and generally more pleasant to be around.
Kids who are not taught gratitude struggle with feelings of entitlement and are usually disappointed, feeling that nothing is good enough for them.
In trying to teach our children gratitude, parents have been making the same mistakes for years. Avoid pointing out to our children that they are more blessed than others. That doesn’t teach them to be grateful. When it comes to meals, don’t tell them “you should be grateful for your food, and eat it, kids in other countries are starving”. This won’t work either.
Instead…
We need to model gratitude ourselves. We must live lives of gratitude if we want our children to really learn to be grateful. That means they need to see us serve others, including our spouse, write thank you notes, say “please” and “thank you” and show empathy. That means we need to criticize less, complain less, and point out the positives, not the negative, in people and in situations. This includes our children and spouses. We need to stop complaining about our children (and spouses), instead tell them how grateful we are for them. We need to show gratitude for adversity too. Remember, children will, for the most part, do what their parents do. That is why gratitude has to start with parents, in our homes.
Say “No”. It is important for us to be reasonable and say “No”. We also have to be careful rewarding our children for everything. We want them to do good because it is the right thing to do, and not because they get something, like a new toy or money.
Give your children responsibility. We are always more grateful for things when we have to do them ourselves. The same applies to children. Give them appropriate responsibilities. They will realize the effort and energy it takes to accomplish them, and become more grateful for the people around them that do things for them. (Like their mom and dad.)
Teach your children to be grateful for adversity. When things are hard, or uncertain, or don’t go as planned, we need to teach our children to be grateful. To recognize the blessings that comes from hard things. We don’t want to teach, “we are luckier, or better than someone else”. Instead help children see what can be learned, and how we can take what we learn into other situations to help others and ourselves.
Role Play. Practice saying “please” and “thank you” with your children. Role play situations (grandma gives you a new toy, or someone pays you a compliment). During the role play, talk about how others feel when we show them gratitude. Remember, children aren’t thinking about everyone else. They are thinking about themselves, so we have to teach them.
Teach your children to write Thank you Notes. Insist that this be done. Teach them that it is part of life. Organize a thank you note station in your home that is always stocked with papers, envelopes, stamps and crayons, etc. (Let your children see you sitting there often also). Start when they are very small by having them draw “thank you pictures” and then you write the words to go with it. Then move on to notes that have most of the words filled in. Have children write what it is they are thankful for and sign their name. By the age of 7 or 8, it shouldn’t be a problem for them to write the entire notes themselves. Don’t worry about perfection. Worry that they are remembering to do it. And doing it.
Point out the simple things. Teach children to be grateful for the creations around them, the seasons, the sunshine, the falling leaves and the rain. Children will quickly understand that there is beauty all around, and that it has come from something much bigger than we are. Celebrate creations. Jump in the leaves, splash in the puddles, and feel the sun on our skin.
Provide your family opportunities to serve. Start by encouraging your children to serve other family members, and then help them find ways to actively serve others. Let them help as you serve others. They will learn by example. The goal is to give them “grateful eyes”, so they begin to for see the need before they have to be told.
With Thanksgiving on our minds, it is a great time to encourage gratitude in our children.
Here is a video full of great family activities that encourage gratitude. Use them this year, or in the years to come.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I am thankful for so many things. One of them, the opportunity to post here on the The Idea Room, and get to know all of you better. Thank you for reading and adding your thoughts to each post. Have a wonderful Turkey Day.
Have a question or just want to say hello.
Wonderful post!!! Often we just think that kids should KNOW how to express gratitude, thanks, and appreciation. SO important to remember that we must role play with them and help them practice their skills. I also like the one about saying NO. My dad’s best advice to me? Let your YESes be yes and your NOs be NO! Happy Thanksgiving.
Barbara
Barbara, thank you. It is true, our kids don’t know and we do need to teach them. And your dad gives great advice.:) Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
THANK YOU for this.
Thanks T, I hope you had a wonderful Turkey Day.
Thank you for share this beautiful post. I learn so much of this, for learn to my two girls say “Thank”. My mother say me all day, the life is very difficult, but you say Thank for the sun in the sky every day. Sorry for my english, I hope you understand me. Thank you and have a nice day!
Hi Odile,
What a sweet comment, “to be thankful for the sun in the sky”. A reminder we all need, everyday.
Great post.We have to teach them to be thanks for the little things everyday. Gratitude is best taught by example. We must set the example.
Frugal Baby, you are so right. They learn from our example every minute of everyday. Thanks for your comment. Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Thank you so much for the interesting post.It was a pleasure to read.I do think it is important to stop and consider the beauty of nature and be thankful for it.Happy thanksgiving! Greetings from Italy!
Donata, Hello in Italy. Glad you enjoyed the post. Thank you for your comment. I agree, it is really important to show gratitude for the beauty of the creations around us. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Thank you for the insight into gratitude.
Thanks for your comment Suzanne.
gratitude is so important to learn at an early age…so true…i feel i am always trying to model gratitude and teach gratitude and my kids seem so ungrateful sometimes!! but i suppose when they really “get it” the gratitude comes out of their ears!!
Isn’t that the truth. Just when we think our kids are getting it, the ungratefulness takes over again. It is a constant fight. Sometimes all we can do is live a grateful life, and have the faith and patience that as they grow and mature, they will have learned from our example. Isn’t it great when it comes “out of their ears”?
Loved this! Thanks!:)
Hi Rachelle, Thanks for the comment. Hope you and your family had a great Thanksgiving.
I am unable to find the video you mentioned at the end of the post. Can you please repost the link to the video? I am a school counselor and would love to incorporate this into a guidance lesson that I am preparing for my fourth graders.