Raising Our Girls

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips

as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words with some tips for building self esteem in your girls…



With three daughters, my husband and I are constantly worrying about all the pressure that society puts on them. Times are very different from when I was a young girl. The pressures to look a certain way, and dress a certain way are even more intense. 

It is hard to raise a daughter who is self-confident and happy amid a world that encourages little girls to surround themselves in nothing but pink and tiaras while they dream of fairy tale romance. Nothing is wrong with pink and fairy tales, but along with the pink can come a belief that our worth as women is tied to how we look at what we wear. Which isn’t true. This mentality is not just limited to young girls. I feel plenty of pressure as a grown women.
We want our daughters to grow up healthy, happy and confident, with a clear sense of their own potential and the opportunity to fulfill it. But, our girls are growing up in a world that tells that that regardless of their age, the surest way to accomplish your goals, is to look like a princess. 

Studies show that young girls today face more pressure than ever to be “princess perfect”. Not only do they have to get straight A’s, but they have to be fashionable, beautiful and kind. They are exposed to media that makes them worry about being pretty and sexy. Studies show that many media advertisements have a negative impact on a girl’s self-esteem. 

Our oldest daughter is almost 8 and she is already bombarded with pressure from the media and from her peers. I can already see how society is telling her that how she looks matters more than who she is. I worry about what is to come. I hope that executives at big companies like Disney and Mattel don’t sit around in their board meetings and try to think of ways to sexualize our young girls. But “princesses” sell, and so these companies are going to keep pushing the stereotypes at our girls. 

Although society is targeting our young girls, we are still their parents, and responsibility lies on us. We want to blame the media, but ultimately, as parents, we do have a final say.

So what can we as parents do to help our girls deal with the “princess perfect” pressure?

1. Watch what we say.
As parents, we need to make sure that our comments don’t teach our girls that success and happiness is defined by how we look and what we wear. This applies to the comments we make about ourselves and our looks, as well as the comments we make about others. If we are constantly complaining about how we look, and /or constantly commenting on how others looks, this can have a negative effect on our girls. 

2. Praise our girls for their strengths and effort.
This goes along with the first point. If you have a girl, monitor what you say to her in a 24 hour period. What is the focus of your comments? Naturally we comment on how cute they are, “you look so pretty”, “I love your dress”, ” you look like a princess”.
Instead of commenting on their looks, praise and comment on the effort they put into things and for the areas they are strong. Society will bombard them with feelings about clothes and looks. As parents we need to teach them they are strong and capable.

3. Give them challenges.
Provide challenges for our girls. Kids don’t wake up and think “I am going to make myself do something hard today”. We have to help provide them with challenges that they can overcome. This helps them believe in themselves and translates into future challenges. It builds their worth, based on their talents, abilities, and work ethic, instead of their looks and clothes. It also helps them keep a sense of reality.

4. Monitor what your girls are exposed to. Parents do have a say.

T.V shows, music, magazines, clothing, friends and toys can all give our girls the wrong message about where their worth lies. Be careful what you let in your home. Be cautions what your girls are exposed to. 

5. Love them.

Whether they like princesses or frogs, pink or green, keep your arms wide open at all times so that kids know they are loved. Loved for who they are, not because of how they look. They will face much rejection from society. Especially because no one is the “perfect princess”. Our girls need to always know we have their back and we love them because they are kind and funny and smart and sensitive, clever and wonderful. Loved because they are them. Plain and simple. 

Do you think society pressures our girls?


Do you feel pressure from society as an adult?


  1. jasi says

    all very good points. praising effort is essential. my daughter is quick and people remark “you’re so smart”! but my husband and I often remind her to work at things also. we feel it’s really important to let her know that she can accomplish anything with effort and time- difficult concepts for quick kids.

  2. says

    We were raising 3 daughters about the time reality tv was becoming popular on MTV via The Real World – anything BUT! I remember watching an episode with them. I was horrified and hoped this was a passing thing… blatant disrespect and ridicule of people for entertainment. We wonder why we have such a bullying problem!!!??? So, as we watched, we talked about how cruel the people were to one another.

    We were careful about what was allowed to grow in our home. If it was wildly popular with other kids their age, we examined it together through the lens of who we were and if they weren’t allowed to watch it or participate – there was a clear reason. Did they say, “Hey, our parents are cool because we have all these rules.” No… they were real kids/teens. But occasionally I’d hear that one of their friends would say, “My parents don’t care what I do.” and it wasn’t a brag, but a disappointment.

    Love them, love them, love them and be supportive of their growth, not critical. When those tough teen years come, it’s harder to hate your parents when you know they love you and you enjoy a history of connection. It’s easy to get lost if you need to go “out there” and find a place where people love you for who you are, because your parents were always trying to make you into someone else.

  3. says

    I have two girls who have been tomboys since they were old enough to choose their own clothes…

    My eldest daughter, who is now 12, grew up preferring the company of boys, their games and even dressed like a boy. I hadn’t bought anything in the girl’s clothing department for her until recently…its only now that she’s getting into girls clothes and finding her way in a teenage girls world.

    I sometimes feel this was a blessing as she wasn’t surrounded by the princess pressures or drama that goes along with groups of girls.

    She been teased for being such a fierce tomboy, but it has only made her stronger. It has made her realise that being her unique self is much more important than feeling the need to fit into a box.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *