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Happy Mother’s Day

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I just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day and share with you some photos of the amazing women in my life. These women have and continue to be examples of beauty and service to me.  I have been blessed to be surrounded by women who are quiet, yet strong examples of what Motherhood is all about.

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*from theidearoom on instagram

My Mother

Each of these women have all had their own unique challenges, some large, some small, some whose burdens have been known to others and some who have had struggles known only to them while carried deeply within their own hearts.

But they each have been and continue to be examples of courage and strength by the way they live and have lived their lives.

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My Mother and Grandmother

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

–M. Russell Ballard “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10

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On my blessing day.

My Mother, Her Mother on the left and my Dad’s Mother on the right.

I truly believe that women have the ability to love many children and friends as she would love her own physical flesh and blood.  And that Mother’s come in all shapes and sizes.  Some have their own children by birth, some love and raise children that are born from another, some have mother hearts to others around them, and some mothers have empty arms where children should be.  Regardless, we are all women who are striving to raise generations of happy and beautiful children.

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Mother-In-Law

Motherhood is challenging.  It is a 24 hour a day job that can be physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding.  We women should be building each other up, supporting each other and cheering the other on as we try to Mother in our own and unique ways.

I am so grateful for the women who are teaching me how to Mother my own children. And I am grateful for the women who love my children as their own….aunts, grandma’s, neighbors, teachers, leaders, and my dear friends.

Here’s to wishing all of you a Happy Mother’s Day.  I hope you are able to spend it with your loved ones.  And if not, that you are able to reflect on the great blessings that those women have brought into your life.

May 13, 2012 · Filed under: Moms, Mother's Day, Personal Tagged with

Teaching Children a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy


A few weeks ago I was teaching a group of about 40 women. We were talking about the changes they have seen over the course of their lives. They talked about milk men and ice boxes, outhouses and telephone operators. Amongst the comments there was one common theme. Every comment also included “kids have changed, they are so disrespectful these days”.

There is a pretty strong argument, from many people that kids now-a-days, are very disrespectful. Gone are the days of Beaver Cleaver with all of his “thank you’s” and “yes ma’ams”. Instead there seems to be a lack of respect and a sense of entitlement and expectation. 

As parents, it is our job to help our children learn Respect. We need to start young and not only teach them, but show them with OUR own actions. 

Here are 8 suggestions for helping our children develop lifelong respect for things and people and life in general. 



First, we have to start with ourselves and Be Good Role Models
Children will do what they see us do. We can’t be disrespectful. 
Instead…
We need to model the behavior we want to see in our children. Respect our belongings, be patient and open minded with others, and listen with full attention.

Expect Good Manners
Don’t let children think that manners are optional or temporary.

Instead…
Expect good manners in all situations. When children are young, remind them to say “please” and “thank you”. Help and teach children the importance of writing thank-you notes. When you are going somewhere, be sure you remind them what you expect in the upcoming situation and how they should act. It will take constant cues on your part, but soon, it will become natural and your children will remember on their own. Make it clear that bad manners will not be tolerated and be sure you enforce the consequences. Even if it means leaving the restaurant or get-together. When good manners are demonstrated, make sure there is lots of praise. Not just “good job”. Explain to your children why the good manners are important and what their respect means to the people around them.  



Don’t Tolerate Rudeness
When we allow our children to be rude, talk back, or talk snotty, we lead them to believe it’s okay to disrespect us and other people too. As parents we need to respond to this behavior. We need to make it clear that no matter how frustrated or annoyed our children may be, it is never okay to speak to other people in those tones. 
Instead…
Encourage your kids to express their feelings, using statement that start with “I”. “I feel angry and frustrated”. “I feel mad”. Encourage them to put their feelings into words by asking them questions. When our son is making sarcastic comments, I find myself saying “you seem upset, let’s talk about it”. It will take time for your kids to learn to express their emotions instead of being rude, but it will work. When they slip up, teach them the importance of saying “I am sorry”.


Respect Belongings
Don’t let children disrespect belongings.
Instead…

As parents, and grandparents, we need to be cautious with the amount of toys and things we give our kids. Too many things and they will not appreciate what they have. 
When kids disrespect their toys, don’t rush out and replace them. It is okay to explain that they have one firetruck and they need to take care of it or they won’t have a fire truck anymore. Explain the worth of belongings. When our daughter went through a phase of ruining her older siblings pictures, it wasn’t more reprimanding that she needed. Instead I talked to her about the time that went into making the picture and that it was special. It hurts feelings when we ruin other’s special things. Talk to your children about how they would feel if someone ruined their picture. 
Make the rules clear. When my girls want to smell my perfumes, they know I have to get them out. They have to be sitting down to hold them, and they can’t push the buttons. It teaches them to respect my belongings. 


Teach Your Children to Listen
One of the most fundamental ways to show respect to other people is to listen to them. That means giving them our time and attention. Don’t let your kids watch television while you are trying to talk to them…or keep their head down in their books, coloring, or looking at the floor. 
Instead…

Remove distractions by turning off the T.V. and putting down what they are doing. Expect them to look you in the eye and give you their attention. This means we have to do the same when our children are talking to us. Another key concept to teach, wait your turn to talk and don’t interrupt others when they are talking. We are always working on this in our home. Especially when my husband and I are talking. We have had to work really hard to teach our kids to wait until we are done talking to each other, then it is their turn. 



Diversity Makes the World go Around

Children are very quick to point our differences. Every one of our children has turned me red faced at least once in a pubic place when they have pointed out someone who looks different. My first reaction is to quickly “shush” them. 
Instead….
We need to explain that we are all different and that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. When you encounter new people, explain that there are differences AND similarities. We dont have to forgo our values. There are choices that other people make that are not acceptable in our home. That is fine, but that doesn’t mean that we are judgmental or rude. To raise children who accept diversity we have to expose our children to different cultures and traditions. Start by letting them try different foods and learning about different cultures.  


Encourage Your Children to be Open Minded
Treating others with respect means that we take some time to get to know them and understand them. This is a principle we have to teach our children. They might not like all the other kids, but they need to give them a chance. 
Instead…
Encourage your children to get to know someone new and find out what they have in common. If after time they conclude they have nothing in common, teach them that they still deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. We have had to do this with our daughter. She went through a phase in Kindergarten where she clung to one or two kids and had a tough time giving other classmates a chance. We gave her a challenge to play with a new person in her class every week. It made a huge difference. It has taught her to be much more open minded, respectful, and accepting to all people.

Lastly, Rules are important
Don’t allow children to do what ever they want.
Instead…Set boundaries. Believe it or not, children want rules and boundaries. This will help children learn to respect authority and that the world doesn’t revolve around them. This is a skill they will need in everything they do. 


Remember….

.Set the rules
.Talk about why the rules matter
.Explain the consequences for breaking the rules.
.Be strong enough to follow through with the consequences. 


Helping our children develop RESPECT will not only help them in society, but our homes will be more pleasant too. 

  • HOW DO YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN RESPECT?
  • DO YOU THINK THAT KIDS HAVE LESS RESPECT THESE DAYS?
  • ANYONE FEEL LIKE THEY SENT THEIR KIDS TO SCHOOL AT 5, W/RESPECT, AND THEY CAME HOME W/OUT RESPECT?


April 12, 2012 · Filed under: Moms, Parenting Help, Parenting Tips with Heather Johnson Tagged with

Anatomy of a Great Date

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It’s time once again for HeatherJohnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy

Research suggests that married couples should go on a date at least every two weeks. The LDS church admonishes that couples should go on a date every week.

You don’t have to tell me how hard this is. I know. Impossible it seems. As married couples we start to trick ourselves. We think that just because we live together and sleep together every night that we don’t need to go on dates. It is because we live and sleep together that we do need to go on dates. We might have lots of time together with our spouses, but it is not special time.


Dates involve getting away from the routine and doing something together for the purpose of feeling–not just living–close.

There are three main ingredients to consider for a great date.

  • Privacy
  • Enjoyment
  • Conversation.

Privacy
Going out with other couples is fun, but we need time as a two-some. Otherwise we forget how to talk with one another and being alone can become awkward and embarrassing. Funny, when we were dating, sitting across from each other in a restaurant wasn’t awkward. Privacy also gives us the chance to hold hands, show affection, and look into each other’s eyes again.

Enjoyment
The date needs to be enjoyable, for both partners. This doesn’t mean that we have to like all the same things as our spouse. But remember, chick flicks for every date won’t cut it either. (That is unless your hubby loves chick flicks too).

A great way to approach date planning, take turns. One week you plan, the next week your spouse plans. The only condition is that when it is not your week, you participate with a good attitude and a willing heart. You both have to be ready to do whatever is planned. Even better, instead of always choosing activities you are used to and like, choose new activities. Try different things together. That way you are not doing “his” activity or “her” activity. Instead you are establishing “our” activities. You could even make the rule that ever other time you choose, it has to be something new.

Conversation
Rushing to a movie and then home doesn’t count. Same for bike rides if you never stop to talk. These are great activities and we should be doing them with our spouses, but we need to mix them with meaningful time together also.

Date conversation works best when we leave tension and conflict out. It is possible to put troublesome topics aside for a few hours and just enjoy each other.

It is also okay to talk about things other than the kids too. I know for my husband and I, when we go on a date, the first thing we start to talk about are the kids. After a few minutes we realize what we are doing and try to talk about something else.

If you have not been dating your spouse, conversation might be hard at first. Try thinking ahead, like if you were going out on a date with someone you were just getting to know. Come prepared with different conversation starters. Here are some conversation starters that can help.

It is worth the sacrifices we have to make, to find time to date our spouse. Don’t think about dates as expensive. Money isn’t necessary to connect us. Instead, think of ways that you can reconnect by having privacy, enjoyment and conversation with your spouse. Plan activities that fulfill those three requirements. Go for a walk and hold hands, lay out a blanket in the front room and have an indoor picnic at home once the kids are asleep, trade babysitting services with another couple every other week so you don’t have to pay for a sitter. Do what ever it takes to spend time together. We will quickly realize that dates will recharge our Marital Battery. They bring us closer together and strengthen our relationship. It is that strength that will help us get through the challenges that our families will face. It is that strength that reminds us why we married our spouse in the first place.

What is your favorite date to go on with your spouse? Let’s share some ideas.
When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? 
Are your dates filled with privacy, enjoyment and conversation?

March 21, 2012 · Filed under: Moms, Parenting Help, Parenting Tips with Heather Johnson Tagged with