Do You Share Recipes?

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley as part of her Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words.

–Amy

 
Be sure you weigh in and let me know where you stand.

 

A few weeks ago I attended a seasonal get together with 6 of my very best friends. We always have a great time. We laugh, sometimes cry, and always eat lots of good food and treats.

That night, the host made Oatmeal Cookies. Not just any Oatmeal Cookies, but the very best Oatmeal Cookies I have ever tasted. They were soft and moist, and chewy. Just how I love them. (As a side note, I will choose Oatmeal Cookies over any other cookie there is, always. So I have tasted a few in my day, and these were the best).

As two of us were leaving, we asked our friend for the recipe. It was midnight and I was considering going home to make a batch that very night. That’s how good they were.

She promptly said “NO.” We were both a little speechless.

We thought she was kidding and again said, “come on, these are the best, you have to share.”

To which she again replied, “No, I can’t.” She told us she got the recipe from a friend and promised never to share it.

Despite our teasing, pleas, and promise to take our own vow of secrecy, she held firm and we went home empty handed.

I woke up the next morning wanting Oatmeal Cookies for breakfast. I was a little irritated and confused, not really sure how I felt about the situation.

The encounter got me thinking about the Holiday Season full of food and celebration. ALL of the wonderful recipes our family eats at this time of year come from someone else. They come from old college roommates, recipe books, grandmas, from friends and neighbors, and from wonderful blogs all over the internet.

If people didn’t share recipes, what would I cook? I started to wonder, where do I stand on this issue? Do I believe in sharing recipes?

Of course I do! I consider myself a good “sharer”. I take it as a compliment when someone asks for a recipe and I am glad to help. After all, isn’t sharing, whether it is our recipes, talents, knowledge, experiences or advice, what makes us a stronger and better community of women? Isn’t that the whole point of The Idea Room. :)

I am always grateful when others share with me. I clearly remember having to host my first big holiday dinner a few years ago. I called a friend who shared a few of her “signature” recipes with me and saved the day. I will never forget how she helped.

That said, we all have special recipes. Mine are from my grandmother who has now passed away. I make them often and take them to special events. I feel a connection to my grandmother because of them. When people ask, I share, but, it is a little bit harder to give those away. They are sentimental to me, so I am more protective. Is that wrong?

When people don’t share, does it have more to do with how we feel about the person asking, instead of the actual recipe itself? (What would that say about my friend not sharing with me? Yikes.)

During this Holiday Season of giving and sharing, tell me…

DO YOU SHARE YOUR RECIPES?

HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU “NO” WHEN YOU ASKED FOR A RECIPE?

IS IT EVER OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE “NO”?

 

heather johnson
Have a question or just want to say hello.

 

“The BEST”-A Thanksgiving Game

{Are you looking for the Silhouette Portrait Giveaway?  You can find that here…Silhouette Portrait Giveaway}.

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us a fun Thanksgiving Game as part of her Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words and sharing how parents should support kids and their interests.

–Amy

Before we jump into today’s post and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just want to thank Amy, and all of you, for the opportunity to interact here at The Idea Room. What an amazing and welcoming space Amy has created. I learn so much from her, and from you. I am grateful for our virtual friendship. Happy Thanksgiving to each of you!

 

The Holiday’s are here, and over the next few weeks we will be spending a lot of time with family and friends.

Whether we are with people we know well, or second cousins twice removed, playing games together is a great way to break the ice and create fun memories and bonds. Games are also great because they can be adapted to all ages and skill levels.

It can be hard to know what to do while you are waiting for the turkey to cook, or once the holiday meals have been eaten. Look no further. Here is the perfect Thanksgiving Game for you and your family this holiday season.
“The BEST” Game

Just can’t say it enough, This game is really fun.

The MATERIALS will depend on what you want to do with your family and friends. You can also play with no materials at all. Keep reading and you will understand what I mean. 

How to Play
Choose a Host. If your family or group is large, arrange everyone into small groups (3-4 people). If you are smaller, then everyone can play as their own team. If you are playing with lots of people the rule stands that everyone has to participate in at least one round.

The Rules
The Host is in charge of announcing the contest category for the group. (For example: “The Tallest”, or “The Fastest”)
Once the category has been announced, each group will select one person who they think can win the category. Be sure you don’t announce the contest until after each group has chosen their player for that round. 
There will then be a contest in that category. If a person has “THE BEST” within the category, his or her team gets a point.

*if you are playing as individuals, everyone will compete in each category and the winner will get a point.*

Let’s run through a practice round…

The Host would say “The Tallest”. 

If you are in groups, each group would pick the person they think could win “The Tallest”. One person to represent the group.

Once every group has their representative, or each individual is ready, The Host will then announce what has to be done. For example, with “The Tallest”, then the Host could say, “The Tallest…Thumb”.
Everyone playing that round would come together to see who had the tallest thumb. That person would then get a point.

Here are some category and contest examples. Use these, and add your own.

-The Tallest….THUMB
-The Fastest….CRAB WALKER
-The Highest….JUMPER
-The Longest….STARE IN A STARING CONTEST
-The Fastest….ALPHABET SONG SINGER
-The Quickest….TO BALANCE 5 DICE ON THE END OF A TOUGUE DEPRESSOR HELD IN YOUR MOUTH.
-The Farthest….MAKE A PAPER AIRPLANE AND SEE WHO’S FLIES THE FARTHEST.
-The Shortest….SHOE SIZE
-The Biggest….WHO CAN BLOW THE BIGGEST BUBBLE.
-The Quickest…WHO CAN UNWRAP A STARBURST WITH THEIR TONGUE THE QUICKEST.
-The Longest…WHO CAN BALANCE ON ONE FOOT THE LONGEST.
-The Most-est…WHO CAN EAT THE MOST MARSHMALLOWS IN ONE MINUTE

As you can see, the possibilites are endless. You can make them as complicated or basic as you would like. You can also have your kids or guests help put together a list while you make Turkey dinner. You will find your family/group, laughing out loud.

What are you “The BEST” at? Do you have the tallest thumb?

Have a question or just want to say hello.

Avoiding Holiday Meltdowns

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words and sharing how parents should support kids and their interests.

–Amy

helping-kids-with holidays

It is hard to believe that the holiday season is
already here. Where did the year go?

Naturally we want the holiday’s to be wonderful
for our families. We want everyone to get along, visits to be pleasant, and
days filled with holiday cheer.
But…the holidays can be very stressful. Stressful
for adults, and really stressful for kids.
The problem with our children feeling stress is
that they don’t know how to handle it. So they manifest their frustration in
temper tantrums and meltdowns. These meltdowns are sure to put a damper on our
Thanksgiving and Christmas plans.
Here are a few key things we can do to curb the
tantrums and make this holiday season much more pleasant for all of us.
Set Realistic Expectations
We have all watched the holiday movies that
portray the perfect family celebrations. But, when the holidays don’t always go
as planned we can get stressed and upset and loose patience with our kids. It
is unrealistic to think that just because it is Thanksgiving or Christmas that
our children are going to be perfect angels. It is still real life and we need
to be flexible and keep a clear perspective. Otherwise, we can quickly
let our expectations for the holidays become more important than our
children. 
It is also easy to get frustrated with all the
extra requests for treats and toys and stuff they see on TV. Instead of letting
the increase in demands surprise you, keep your expectations realistic and
expect them. It is normal.
Make your expectations and consequences
clear ahead of time and try to find ways to say “yes” instead of
always saying “no.” (When your kids are continually asking for more sugar,
instead of immediately saying “no”, change your answer to “you
can have more crackers and cheese, or an apple”.) Kids automatically
resent “no”, so, focus on what they can have or can do, instead of what they can’t.
See things from your
child’s point of view.
Remember when you were a child? Remember all the
excitement and anticipation leading up to this time of year? Our children don’t
understand the stress we might be dealing with preparing. All they know is that
they are really excited.
Let them be excited. Let them enjoy the season. If we will see
the holidays from their point of view, it will make it much easier to be
patient with them. 
Keep a Schedule
It is vital to stay consistent with
nap times, bed times and meals. The best way to avoid meltdowns is to
keep naps and bedtime regular. 
When our children get tired there is
disaster.
This can be hard to do. There will
be lots of activities and visitors, parties and get-togethers. Schedules will
be challenged. We will have to make some exceptions, but we need to try and
hold strong. We might need to say “no” to a few of the activities and keep some
sort of routine.
It is also okay to speak up. One of
our first Christmas’s, I went to put our son down for a nap. One of our
relatives gave me a guilt trip and said, “I am only here for a few days, a nap
is more important than him being with me”?
Yep, the nap is most important.
The sleep will keep him happy. Which will make your visit much more pleasant.
Protect your kids and get them food and sleep.
Get Some
Sleep Yourself
When we are tired, we can be short tempered, agitated and
quickly loose our patience. We need to take care of ourselves so that we are
better able to take care of our children and handle the demands and excitement
of the season.
Communicate
with our Children
Communicate about upcoming events,
parties and activities. Give them adequate notice and talk to them about
expectations and behaviors before you get there.
The holidays also bring emotions
that our children don’t understand. They don’t understand the difference
between needs and wants. They don’t understand how time works (Are we there
yet? Can I open presents yet?). They also don’t understand the difference between
I am really hungry and tired AND, I want to throw myself on the floor and throw
a fit. Talk to them about emotions and help them understand how they are
feeling.
Other suggestions…
ü  Have a “yes day”. Spend a day saying yes to everything you possibly can. You will find that
giving them some freedom to choose, some power over their own lives, will
improve their behavior and your relationship.
ü  Don’t threaten. Saying
“Santa won’t come to our house if you don’t stop crying,” in the long run, will
not help.
ü  Don’t overschedule you,
or your family. Limit adult activities to no more than three a week (at the
most). Leaving kids with a baby sitter every night of the week will cause them
stress. Pick the most important events and say “no” to the rest.
ü  Plan a family activity
over the holiday breaks. Set aside time to be together. Spending time together
will do wonders for your children’s behavior and build long lasting memories.
ü  Go on a weekly date
with your spouse. Dates help us refuel and reconnect. This will give us more
patience for the season and our children.
ü  Spend one-on-one time
with your children. When we get busy with the holidays, our kids might not feel
like they are getting the attention they need, so they act out. Find a way to
spend 15 minutes with each of your children each day and they won’t have the
need to misbehave to get your attention.
ü  If
you are going to be traveling or even away from the house for more than 3
hours, plan to take breaks. For every 3 hours, take a 20-30 minute break for
your kids to do something fun.
ü  There
will be lots of last minute preparations to take care of. All these errands can
take their toll on our kids. Consider their schedules and nap times and go easy
on them.
Solid research shows that spending time together and having
experiences together means more and creates stronger, happier memories, than
getting or having “things.”
This holiday season, if we want less
temper tantrums and meltdowns, worry less about all the stuff, and spend more
time together.
Does the
holiday season stress you out?
Have you
ever gotten the guilt trip from a family member during a holiday visit? 

Have a question or just want to say hello.


Is Your Child Scared of Halloween

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words and sharing how parents should support kids and their interests.

–Amy

Halloween can be a tricky holiday for young children. It can be hard for them to distinguish between reality and make believe. They can be really scared of the decorations, costumes, and knocking door-to-door asking strangers for candy.

There are a number of things we can do as parents to help ease our children’s worries and give our families a happier Halloween.

Is your child scared of Halloween decorations?
  • Does your toddler get scared when they see store displays, fake spiders, mummies and skeletons? Take a few minutes to explain to them that decorations are part of holiday celebrations. Explain that just like colored eggs are part of Easter, and Christmas Trees are part of Christmas, skeletons and jack-o-lanterns are part of Halloween. Don’t forget to explain that the decorations are temporary and will be taken down as soon as Halloween is over. 
  • Explain that none of the decorations are real, but instead, pretend. Pick up and touch the decorations yourself so it is clear that the decoration is harmless. Then, invite your child to touch the decorations like you have. We have had to work through this with every one of our children. My parents have this great spider that crawls up the window whenever there is a loud noise. It is an awesome decoration. Every one of our kids is scared of it at first. We have to hold the spider ourselves and pet it before they will consider even being in the same room with the decoration. After we have held it a few times, we ask them if they want to hold it themselves. After watching us, they are eventually willing to give it shot. Remember to not force them to engage, just offer.
  • If store displays still make them uncomfortable, consider leaving them at home while you run your errands. 

Is your child scared of the costumes?

  • Encourage non-scary costumes. Leave out the blood and gore. Instead of ghosts and goblins, encourage them to dress up as a character they are familiar with. This might include a favorite T.V., movie, or book character. You could also suggest they dress up as the people they pretend to be every day while they play. When our daughter was little she didn’t want to wear a costume, but she loved to play “teacher”. We suggested she be a teacher for Halloween and it solved our costume problem. This helped us with our son also. When he was little he liked to pretend to be different animals. He didn’t really care for costumes either, but when I asked him if he wanted to be a dog, his animal of the week, he was all for it. 
  • Encourage them to dress up before Halloween night so they can become more comfortable with their costume. Playing make believe in their costumes will also help them understand the difference between real and make believe. When Halloween night rolls around, wearing the costume wont be a big deal at all. 
  • Forgo the masks. Small children usually don’t like masks, lots of makeup, or things on their heads. Don’t make them part of their costumes. Instead, put their costume on and then apply a few basic details with face paint. Keep it simple. Too much face paint could irritate their skin and bug them. 
  • Dress them up as themselves. If your little one is uncomfortable with costumes and face paint, have them pick out their favorite outfit, and dress up as themselves. Who better for them to be than them. :)

Is your child nervous about Trick-or-Treating?

  • Practice trick-or-treating. Have your child ring your door bell. When you answer, have them say trick-or-treat and give them a little something. Remind them to say thank you, and then have them practice again. This will make trick-or-treating less scary because they will know what to expect. 
  • If your little one is scared to go door-to-door, plan on only visiting a few houses that they are already familiar with. Start with your immediate neighbors that they say hi to everyday. Visit friend’s homes where they have play dates and relatives homes if they live near by. 
  • Trick-or-treat before it gets dark. It is much less scary to walk to a new door when it is still light outside. With your trick-or-treating done early, you can head home when it gets dark and let your little one help you answer the door for the trick-or-treaters. Or, if you want to stay out as a family, you can put your little one in a stroller and continue on together. Let them eat one of their treats and you will have a happy little monster. 
  • If your child is shy or scared, go to the door with them. You can even say trick-or-treat for them. After a few doors, they will start to understand how things work and want to be involved. It is also fun to have them go to the door with an older sibling. This will make them feel more comfortable. 
  • Talk to your child about what will happen Halloween night. Prepare them by verbally explaining what they will be doing. Talk to them about what is happening as you trick-or-treat also. Communicating will do much to curb nerves. You can even point out how other kids are trick-ot-treating so they can see examples. 
  • If your child insists they don’t like being out and want to go home, take them home. There is no need to force them up to people’s doors. 
As parents it is easy to let our expectations for holidays temporarily override what might be best for our children. We want them to dress up, look cute, and make wonderful memories. We might need to let go of our agenda, and consider how they are really feeling. If your child is afraid, respect their fears and let them wait to be more involved next year. Put them in the stroller, pack their favorite snacks, and let them watch their older siblings and the other neighborhood kids. If you are just going out for them, stay home and let them help you answer the door instead. They will love giving out candy and it will give them an opportunity to experience the holiday from the security of their own home. 
What are your children going to be for Halloween?
Do you have a Halloween Scaredy-Cat?

Have a question or just want to say hello.

Don’t Deny How They Feel

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words and sharing how parents should support kids and their interests.

–Amy

Are your kids throwing temper tantrums? Is there arguing and power struggles between you and your children?

It is easy to think it is our children’s fault when their behavior is sub-par. Truth of the matter, it is often our fault as their parents. How? Because as parents, we can make things with our children worse instead of better, when we deny how they are feeling.

What do we mean. Well, here are two examples. Have you ever had conversations like this?

Child: “Mom, I am hungry”

You: “No, you’re not hungry, you just ate.”
Or
Child: “Mom, I don’t want my coat on, I am hot”
You: “You’re not hot, it’s freezing outside. Leave your coat on.”

Can’t you hear the arguments that are about to start. 

“But mom, I am reeeeeeaaaaaally hungry.”
“I just fixed you lunch, you don’t need more food.”
“I know, and I ate my lunch, but I am stiiiiiiiill hungry.”
“You said you were full, you don’t need any more food.”
And on and on and on…. An argument has started. It is probably accompanied by whining, nagging, frustration, and maybe even a temper tantrum or two.

Here is what is funny. There were not any tantrums or arguing until AFTER WE DENIED HOW OUR CHILDREN FELT.

What happens, is that we are constantly denying our children’s feelings. This makes them feel confused and mad, and leads to misbehavior. They don’t feel like they are understood and they stop trusting their own feelings and intuitions. They feel like they have run into a brick wall. A dead end where no one listens and no one understands. So they act out.
We must accept our children’s feelings. It is how THEY feel. Who are we to tell them that how THEY feel is wrong. When we accept our kids and their thoughts and feelings, they feel more respected, more loved and there will be less power struggles because they feel validated and understood.
Just like with adults, it isn’t so much a solution our kids need, as it is to be understood and accepted.

What should we do? How can we respond?

Before we say a single word, we need to be empathetic, and put ourselves in their shoes.
Think about the life of a child for a minute. They have someone telling them what they can and can not do, all. day. long. They are told when to sleep, what to eat, when to play, what to wear. And now, we are also telling them how to feel?
What if you said you were tired, and your husband responded, “You can’t be tired, you got plenty of sleep last night.”

This type of response would not sit well with us at all. It would be frustrating and upsetting. In my head I would be thinking, “How do you know if I am tired or not, or if I got enough sleep for me?” You can quickly see why our kids get so upset.

Stop just for a minute and think about how your kids feel. When I am hungry, I am miserable. I want to eat. When I am hot, I want to take off my coat. Our children are miserable when they are hungry also. They want to eat. When they are hot, they want to take their coat off also.

Second, evaluate why you are denying their feelings.

Most of the time we deny their feelings because it will take extra work for us to acknowledge their feelings. If they are hungry we have to get them more food and clean up more dishes. If they don’t want to wear their coat, we have to carry it. Or put it right back on them when they announce they are now cold.
Do some soul searching and find the root of the reason for the denial. It will teach us a lot about ourselves.

Then, instead of trying to counsel them, give advice our tell them they are wrong, RESPOND WITH A SIMPLE COMMENT…


“Is that so”
“Really”
“I see”
“Oh”
“Hmmmm”


A simple comment response works wonders. Here is an example.

A while ago our daughter came to me to tell me about something her brother had done. She was playing with the baby and he came in to the room and started taking over, trying to get the baby to play with him.

Instead of counseling her, or getting on her, or telling her it wasn’t a big deal and she should “get over it” (all things I wanted to say), I just said, “hmmm, really?”

Guess what happened? She looked at me, said… “yes he did, he always does that”. And then she ran off to play.

She just wanted her feelings to be validated.

If I had tried to figure out who was in the wrong, or solve the problem, or said anything else, it would have turned into a “power struggle”. Instead, once she felt validated, she dropped it and moved on.

Remember, we should always accept how our children feel. It is okay and normal to feel hungry, frustrated, irritated, happy, excited, and/or mad.

We shouldn’t always accept how our children act. If they are throwing a fit, hitting, or whining because they are hungry, frustrated, or mad, that is NOT okay.

Give it a try. Today, when you are talking with your children, put yourself in their shoes and accept their feelings without any strings attached. Without judging or doubting, or trying to prove them wrong. You will see far less arguments, power struggles and temper tantrums. This will make for a much happier household. 

 


Have you ever told your child they weren’t hungry because they just ate?
heather johnson

Raising Our Girls

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips

as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words with some tips for building self esteem in your girls…

–Amy

how-to-raise-girls



With three daughters, my husband and I are constantly worrying about all the pressure that society puts on them. Times are very different from when I was a young girl. The pressures to look a certain way, and dress a certain way are even more intense. 

It is hard to raise a daughter who is self-confident and happy amid a world that encourages little girls to surround themselves in nothing but pink and tiaras while they dream of fairy tale romance. Nothing is wrong with pink and fairy tales, but along with the pink can come a belief that our worth as women is tied to how we look at what we wear. Which isn’t true. This mentality is not just limited to young girls. I feel plenty of pressure as a grown women.
We want our daughters to grow up healthy, happy and confident, with a clear sense of their own potential and the opportunity to fulfill it. But, our girls are growing up in a world that tells that that regardless of their age, the surest way to accomplish your goals, is to look like a princess. 

Studies show that young girls today face more pressure than ever to be “princess perfect”. Not only do they have to get straight A’s, but they have to be fashionable, beautiful and kind. They are exposed to media that makes them worry about being pretty and sexy. Studies show that many media advertisements have a negative impact on a girl’s self-esteem. 

Our oldest daughter is almost 8 and she is already bombarded with pressure from the media and from her peers. I can already see how society is telling her that how she looks matters more than who she is. I worry about what is to come. I hope that executives at big companies like Disney and Mattel don’t sit around in their board meetings and try to think of ways to sexualize our young girls. But “princesses” sell, and so these companies are going to keep pushing the stereotypes at our girls. 

Although society is targeting our young girls, we are still their parents, and responsibility lies on us. We want to blame the media, but ultimately, as parents, we do have a final say.

So what can we as parents do to help our girls deal with the “princess perfect” pressure?

1. Watch what we say.
As parents, we need to make sure that our comments don’t teach our girls that success and happiness is defined by how we look and what we wear. This applies to the comments we make about ourselves and our looks, as well as the comments we make about others. If we are constantly complaining about how we look, and /or constantly commenting on how others looks, this can have a negative effect on our girls. 

2. Praise our girls for their strengths and effort.
This goes along with the first point. If you have a girl, monitor what you say to her in a 24 hour period. What is the focus of your comments? Naturally we comment on how cute they are, “you look so pretty”, “I love your dress”, ” you look like a princess”.
Instead of commenting on their looks, praise and comment on the effort they put into things and for the areas they are strong. Society will bombard them with feelings about clothes and looks. As parents we need to teach them they are strong and capable.

3. Give them challenges.
Provide challenges for our girls. Kids don’t wake up and think “I am going to make myself do something hard today”. We have to help provide them with challenges that they can overcome. This helps them believe in themselves and translates into future challenges. It builds their worth, based on their talents, abilities, and work ethic, instead of their looks and clothes. It also helps them keep a sense of reality.

4. Monitor what your girls are exposed to. Parents do have a say.

T.V shows, music, magazines, clothing, friends and toys can all give our girls the wrong message about where their worth lies. Be careful what you let in your home. Be cautions what your girls are exposed to. 

5. Love them.

Whether they like princesses or frogs, pink or green, keep your arms wide open at all times so that kids know they are loved. Loved for who they are, not because of how they look. They will face much rejection from society. Especially because no one is the “perfect princess”. Our girls need to always know we have their back and we love them because they are kind and funny and smart and sensitive, clever and wonderful. Loved because they are them. Plain and simple. 

Do you think society pressures our girls?

 

Do you feel pressure from society as an adult?


Supporting Our Kids in THEIR Passions…NOT Ours

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her

Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy

Our son is ten years old and has started playing competitive sports. I don’t know if I can handle it. Any of you ever felt this way?

You see, I
grew up playing sports. I was involved. I wanted to be the best.
My husband was the same way.
As we have gotten older, we have put aside a lot of our competitive drive. We don’t need it like we used to.
But now, as we sit and watch our son play, it all comes back. All of it. The
fight, the drive, the need to win and to be the best. I even miss the
confrontation and physicality that comes with playing sports.
We both assumed our son would be the same way we were, when it came to competing.
But… he isn’t…

*Our son is more passive. The fight is in him, I have seen it. But he is
not big on physical contact. His first thought is not to body-check
someone under the hoop.

*Our son feels that if he is part of the winning team then he has done
great. Regardless of how he performed. (What? I keep trying to tell him this is
not true.)

*On top of that, our son likes to analyze. He thinks everything through. He needs to know the why’s behind what is being done.

*To make matters worse. He is an unbelievable athlete. He is tall,
strong, and smart. His hand eye coordination is fantastic. He has been
golfing since he was two. It is frustrating to sit there and watch him
NOT use his talents.

All of this is so foreign to us. We try to teach him to
get physical, to fight and to force. We try to instill the NEED to be
the best, to not settle for any less. Instead, we watch him on the basketball court as he analyzes everything happening in the gym except his own
game. (Heaven forbid he pay attention.)

As I sit and watch, it is all I can do to not yell… “NONE OF THAT MATTERS. GET THE REBOUND AND SHOOT THE BALL.” It is really hard to sit on the sidelines and watch.

We have asked him if he wants to play and he continues to make it clear that he does.

So here we sit. Wanting more from our son. Wanting to change him and
feeling like our expectations are not being met. After all, we are
athletes in this family. Right! RIGHT!!!

Have you ever felt this way?

Maybe you don’t feel this way about sports, but about something else. Maybe it’s playing a musical instrument or getting good grades in school.

Raising children is tricky. We often have ideals in our minds of how our children should be. When they don’t meet those ideals, when they don’t score 50 points a game, or get the lead in the recital, we feel disappointed.

But… acting this way towards our children is not going to better our relationship with them.

Here are a few suggestions that will ease this burden for both you and your child.

1. We need to stop assuming. We have always expected our son would be just like we were, like his
uncles, grandpas, and great-grandpas. But maybe he isn’t, and that’s okay. We need to let go of the assumptions and enjoy/accept the reality.

2. Our job is to provide opportunities. As parents our job isn’t to choose what our children like and don’t like. It is to provide opportunities for them so they can explore and then decide for themselves what they like and don’t like. We have seen this with our son. We are letting him explore lots of activity options. Although he likes most things, he is passionate about swimming and golf. We are seeing a “fire in his eyes” and an internal passion for participation. My husband and I both play golf, but the swimming is fairly new to both of us. We have had to learn the rules of competition and the in’s and out’s of the sport. It has been good for us as parents to learn how to support him in his passion.

3. We shouldn’t compare our children to other kids. Pointing out that Johnny scored 10 points, why didn’t you?, will not help our kids, or our relationships get better. We can’t compare our kids to others. They are unique and individual. Comparison will make our children resent us and make them feel inadequate. They will begin to think you would love them more if they were someone else.

4. Don’t force your dreams or missed opportunities on your children. It is easy to want our children to do all the things we didn’t get to do. Remember, it is not their job to re-do, or re-live our lives. They have their own lives to live. They shouldn’t be expected to make up for things we didn’t do. We want our children to accomplish goals and reach dreams, but we need to make sure they are THEIR goals and THEIR dreams. Take a minute to evaluate why you want your kids to do certain things. Are the motives pure? Do we really have their best interest in mind? Or our interest in mind.

5. Support, don’t push. As parents we need to be supportive of our children, but not be pushy or forceful. Most children don’t have a clue what they want to pursue in life. We should offer suggestions and then be supportive as our children discover the paths they want to take.

6. We can’t let our own self image get in the way. It is easy to worry about how our children’s actions make us look as parents. We have to let go of that. Just because our son isn’t the star of the basketball team, doesn’t mean I am less of a mother. Or that I need to make excuses to justify the situation. He likes swimming better than basketball. So what.

7. Focus on their strengths, instead of their weaknesses. Although he might not be cut throat in basketball, our son is a good boy. The best. He is kind, compassionate, sensitive, respectiful and obedient. He is a hard worker. He always tries to do what is right. He is smart and does well in school. He is constantly trying to learn new things. He has an amazing ability to understand math and science. He is funny and has a great sense of humor. He is helpful, always looks out for others and is a great big brother. He is inquisitive and focused. There don’t come any better than him.

We need to stay focused on how wonderful our children are, instead of the fact that they don’t care much about getting the rebound.

Is it hard for you to watch your kids play sports?

Do you ever force your dreams on your kids?

Pretzel Face – A Game For The Whole Family

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her

“Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy


It is true, Families that Play Together, Stay Together. But, playing together can be really hard when our lives get crazy busy with school schedules and all the after school activities and responsibilities.

To keep our families strong, decide now to spend time together every week. A great way to do this is to “calendar it”. What does this mean? It means if we really want our families to spend time together, we have to put it on the calendar just like all our other appointments. Otherwise it just won’t happen.

When we do spend time together, it doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive. Simple games and activities, with supplies we already have at home are so fun.

Here is one of our families favorite games to play together. Play with your family, you will love it and make memories at the same time.

Pretzel Face

You will want to get out the camera. This game is hilarious.

Here’s how you play.
You will need…

Pretzels

You will want 10 or so for each player. NOT the straight stick kind. Have extras on hand.  
and
Your Face

How to play…
Everyone starts by balancing a pretzel on their forehead. Then, using only your face, you have to get the pretzel into your mouth. You CAN NOT use your hands, or anything else for that matter. 

You can’t flip it into your mouth, instead you have to use your face muscles to work the pretzel down your face and into your mouth. 

If the pretzel falls (and doesn’t break) pick it up and put it back on your forehead and start again. If it does break when it falls, get a new pretel, put it on your forehead and get moving. 

The first person to get three pretzels into their mouth wins. 

Even the littlest of players can be involved in this game. Our two year old loves to play along. 

You can all compete at the same time, or, if you want to watch because it is so funny, have everyone play one at a time and see how long it takes. Then compare times to come up with a winner.

You probably have pretzels in the cupboard. Pull them out and have some family fun. 

Want more fun family games and activities? Check out “Family Fun Friday’s”.  The book that is filled with all your family needs to play together. 


Supporting What We Don’t Like

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her

“Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words and sharing how parents should support kids and their interests.

–Amy

There are so many things I love about summer. I love having the kids home, I love not having to have all of us dressed and out the door by 8, I love the pool everyday, and I love the extra sunlight. 

There is one thing I don’t like. Summer means the kids are outside every day, playing in the grass and dirt. I don’t like dirt. I would rather clean our toilets, than go outside and garden, or be in the dirt. One of the major reasons I don’t like dirt is because bugs live in dirt. And so do spiders and worms. I don’t like bugs. 
Now that the kids have been out of school for two months, they have found lots of bugs, worms, and other creepy crawly things they want to show me. Lots that they want to put in jars and save and feed. 

The kids don’t know I don’t like dirt and bugs. When they got out of school, I put on my game face and started to pretend the best I could.


Why? Because our children’s understandings and likes and dislikes are influenced by us. If we say we don’t like something, or it is bad, that is how they will probably feel also.

Limiting them, to only the things we like, can stifle their growth and development. We have to be open minded and not let our preferences limit our children. We have to let them explore and adventure and discover.

It is normal and okay for our kids to like things we don’t. That is the beauty of each of us as individuals. Life would be boring any other way.

So what can we do when our kids like something we don’t? What do we do when our kids like dirt and bugs and we can’t stand them?

Provide (Resources, Supplies, Location).
Provide resources. Take a trip to the library and check out books about what they like. Find websites and even classes in the community that help them learn more about their “likes”.


Provide supplies. I might not want to go outside and dig in the dirt, but I am happy to provide our kids with lots of supplies to explore the dirt and bugs. Shovels, rakes, and buckets etc… And when they holler that they need a mason jar to put their latest find, I am happy to provide that supply also. I even poke holes in the top for them. (I just try not to touch the bug). 

Our son loves to collect rocks. So a month or so ago, I saved an egg carton for him to use to “classify” his collection. Rocks are dirt to me, but he thought it was the greatest thing ever and felt that I supported his “likes”.

Provide a location for them to cultivate their “likes”. This might mean a place to keep their mason jars with bugs, or their rocks. A special place to keep their supplies so they can get them out when they want. We have a rule that you can’t bring bugs, dirt, sticks, or rocks in the house. So they have a special place in the garage to keep those things they want to collect. Our son complained that he needed his rocks in his room. So we compromised and as long as he washes his rocks first, then he can keep them in his room in his “special drawer”. It might sound silly, but it works great for all of us.


Listen. 
We don’t have to like the same things, but just listening to their excitement and discoveries will make them feel supported. Listen to their adventures and ask them questions. The questions will help their excitement grow and will cultivate a relationship between the two of you. Consider it bonding. (Remember the power of listening first. It will improve behavior also!) If you can’t listen because you have heard about it a lot, or maybe you get the heeby-geebies, find someone who can listen.
When our kids want to talk bugs, I have them call my mom. She is really good about bugs. “You know who would love to hear about your bug, grandma, let’s call her”

Research.
Take a few minutes and learn about what your children like. Do some of your own research so you have more to talk about with them. The funny thing, when we start to learn about what they like, we start to like it a little more too. I have found this with dirt and bugs. (And even motorcycles with my husband). They aren’t nearly as bad as I think, when I start to learn about them. Learning about our kids likes, will also show our kids we care about them.

Stop thinking about ourselves.
When I reeeaaalllyyy don’t want anything to do with dirt and bugs, I think about my kids. I look into their eyes and see their excitement. I think about being a child and the sense of exploration that comes with growing up. I stop thinking about the laundry and all that I have to do and I go out with them. And then, all of a sudden, I see it from their perspective and everything changes.

Fake it till you make it.
When all else fails, pretend. Our kids don’t know how much I don’t like dirt and bugs. They don’t need to know. If I give them that information, I know it will squelch their sense of exploration. It’s true, sometimes I fake it, and before I know it, I have made it.

It is okay to not like everything our kids like, but it is important we support them so we don’t hinder their learning and growth. Who knows, maybe our son will become a botanist, or geologist. That might not happen if I hinder his “likes” just because they aren’t my favorite.


What does your child like that you don’t?
How do you support your kids in their latest “passion?”

Let’s Go Outside and Play

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her

“Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words with a great article to help kids Get Outside and Play

–Amy

Since the early 80′s there has been a dramatic change in where children spend their time. The “inside movement” started because parents were afraid of their children being kidnapped is now fueled by technology (and laziness). The “inside movement” is keeping kids inside the house, in front of televisions, computers, and video games. Research shows that the number one activity families do together, is watch TV.

There are good things that can come from watching the right televisions shows and using technology, but even better things come to families (and couples) who participate in outdoor activities. They are happier, healthier, and more satisfied with their relationships. 
As parents we need to encourage our children to get outside and play. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Turn off the technology.
TV and video games should not be our go-to activities for our kids or our families. Turn them off. When kids come home from school, once homework and other responsibilities are done, send them outside. In our house we have a rule that there is no TV on weekdays. It has created an atmosphere where our kids are always asking to go out and play, instead of asking to watch TV.
During the summer, set rules around when and how much TV is watched. Don’t let every morning start with TV.  
This applies to us also. We need to turn off the computer and phone and get some fresh air. Getting fresh air with our kids and spouse is even better. 
2. Dirt don’t hurt.
Remember your childhood? Running around outside, exploring and adventuring. There was some dirt involved, and it didn’t kill us. Dirt is okay. Dirty is okay. I am not suggesting that my kids are going out to roll in the mud today. They better not!I still teach them to be respectful of their things, but we can’t get mad at our kids if they come in a little dirty. And we can’t keep them inside so that WE don’t have to do more laundry.
3. Use the resources you have.
Kids love water and grass, dirt, leaves and plants. Send them out to water the plants. To gather different sizes of sticks, or different shapes of leaves. Being outside is all about creativity and imagination. It doesn’t have to be perfectly structured. Instead look to what you have around the house that can be used outside, and look at what is outside that can be made fun. When we were kids we used to take popsicle sticks and race them down the gutters in the water. We would race those sticks for hours. Chasing them up and down the street. I bet you have craft sticks in your supply right now. Grab them and let your kids have a go at it.
Our girls love to take plastic silverware outside and have pretend picnics. They use long reeds and leaves to weave placemats and then make “food” out of flowers and leaves etc… They have so much fun just using the resources in our own backyard.They also love to be sent on scavenger hunts around the yard, and the neighborhood.
That said, another way to use the resources you already have, is to do inside things, outside. Why not eat breakfast AND lunch outside, even dinner. Why not have your kids do their homework outside sometimes, read outside, walk to the neighbors to drop something off instead of drive. Even build your fort or tent outside instead of inside. Our kids love to play their board games outside instead of in. Simple, but powerful ways to get us outside and into nature. I even take the laundry outside to fold it sometimes.
4. Be a good example. 
If we are always inside, afraid of dirt, on the computer, our kids will do the same things. We have to show them the benefits of being outside, by going outside with them. Remember, children will do for the most part, what their parents do.  If we spend our free time inside with technology, so will they. Solid research shows that parents who are inactive, will have children who are inactive. It also goes the other way. Parents who are active, are more likely to have active children. We need to set a good example.
5. Forget the household chores.
There will always be something to do inside. Laundry, cleaning, scrubbing. I find that the thought of all I have to do can keep me inside all day. Don’t let it suck you in. Go out and play. Those experiences you are having with your children outside will be remembered long after the laundry and dishes.
6. Plan ahead.
Plan a time for your family to be outside every week. Maybe that means Saturday morning you go for a hike together, or walk to the store to get groceries, or explore a new part of your city on foot. It is much more likely to happen if you put it on the calendar and plan ahead.
As a family, we love to take walks after dinner every night. Sometimes our walks take us to the snow cone shack, sometimes they are just a quick walk around the block. Either way, the fresh air and time together helps us reconnect each day.
Something that we have gotten into as a family, and schedule on our calendar is geocaching. Geocaching uses GPS to find hidden treasures in your area. Go to geocaching.com to find all the treasures you can hunt for. Our family loves it and looks forward to Saturday mornings when we choose another route and treasure to find. This is also great for our son who loves technology. And is a good way to show our kids how we can use technology in healthier ways.
Outside encourages imagination and creativity. It causes us to adapt and negotiate and problem solve.
We need to make the outdoors a priority with our families, and for our children. If our kids are used to being inside with technology all day, they might complain a little at first. But over time, they will start to love being outside and begin to create their own imaginary adventures. Be strong and supportive, don’t give in. Continue to keep technology to a minimum and encourage outside play. It is good for our minds, and our bodies.

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