It’s time once again for Heather from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips Series with Heather Johnson” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…
–Amy
Being a woman is hard.
Often times I feel self doubt creeping in and feelings of inadequacy trying to take over.
As women, we are born into this world with so many talents and gifts, but over time it can be easy to loose sight of our strengths.
We are nurturers. But do we get so busy nurturing other’s, that we don’t take care of ourselves?
We are kind to others, but are we cruel to ourselves?
We are team oriented and need friends and support. But, we can be so concerned with being a team player that we don’t take credit for the great things that we do.
We can be quick to give other people the benefit of the doubt, but that can mean we don’t stand up for ourselves because we want to avoid confrontation.
It is not always this way for us. Good research shows that young girls are assertive and confident. Until they hit about 8th grade. Then, movies, T.V, and media, pressure them to look and act a certain way, and they loose track of who they are what they want.
It doesn’t end with junior high. As mothers and grown women the pressures and stigmas don’t go away.
The inadequacy and confusion hit me full force after having our second child. I didn’t know who I was. I felt lost. All of a sudden I didn’t have an opinion. I didn’t feel like I could make decisions. It affected the simplest of jobs. I couldn’t even get dressed in the morning because I had no idea what looked good on me because I didn’t know who I was.
As women, we are smart, we are strong, and we are influential. There is not room to beat ourselves up because we aren’t good enough. Instead we need to celebrate how great we are.
- We need to start by taking credit for the good things that we do. No need for arrogance, just confidence. We are good wives and good mothers and good friends. We are working hard to do good things in our homes and in our communities.
- We can’t put ourselves down. Reminding ourselves and others that we are not “skinny enough”, or our house isn’t “clean enough” will not make us skinny, or our homes cleaner. Self depreciation is destructive. Not to mention when our kids hear us say these things it affects them and their opinions about themselves and others. This goes for the way we talk about ourselves in front of our spouses also.
- We always give others the benefit of the doubt, but not ourselves. “She had a rough day”, why can’t we? We can be quick to accept others situations, why don’t we accept that we too have limitations and we are wonderful regardless. It is okay to not homeschool, bake bread, refinish furniture, be PTA President, raise 12 kids, and sew all our families clothes. It is okay. We are all different and we need to cut ourselves some slack. We need to stop comparing.
- We can surround ourselves with the right support. We know who builds us up and who doesn’t. We can distance ourselves from those who don’t.
- We can find some time for ourselves. It is okay to cultivate our talents and gifts. We can pick one or two things that we want and like to do and make time for them.
- We can have an opinion and be confident enough to voice how we feel.
- We can recognize that life will be hard and frustrating at times. The joy comes in moments.
JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER
Would you like more Recipes, DIY, Printables and Organization Ideas?
Subscribing to the newsletter will enable us to periodically send you creative content exclusively for Idea Room subscribers.
*View our Privacy Policy here.
Dezi A says
“You don’t want to give him any ideas.” Haha! I love it! And so true. That is fabulous advice, I totally need to do better at that. Thanks for all your inspiring words! I definitely need to get better at focusing on and looking for my own strengths.
Heather Johnson says
Hi Dezi, yep, we have been married over 10 years and I still have to catch myself before I “complain about myself”. I use the advice everyday. Thanks for your comment.
LOVE this!! I’ve become much more confident as my 4 boys get older & have been working on my self deprecating ways (I’ll have to get a rubber band!). I like to jump into new adventures & am learning to nurture myself – I love taking classes & having a “full plate”. I’m showing my young men that a woman can be strong & confident and still be there to nurture & listen to them!
Christine, I love that. What a valuable lesson for your boys to learn from their mom. What an exciting phase of your life and you are living it to the fullest.
Amen Sista.
I think we all struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I think it reflects on how we treat each other and our fellow women. It breaks my heart that we can’t lift and edify one another when we all have our own issues.
Thanks for making me think.
Cheryl you are so right. And when we lift and edify those around us, we feel better about ourselves too. Although the feelings are normal, we can’t let them take over. Thanks for your comment. Have a Happy Halloween.
Wow, thank you! This was wonderful. What do I love about myself? First thing that came to mind: I love people, of all ages. I love talking and connecting with them.
Yeah T, what a wonderful thing. To love connecting with others. What a gift. Thanks for “standing up”.
One of my friends recently posted that she started her morning with prayer, asking God what He wanted her to.do that day. The answer that she received is that she was already doing what He wanted her to do. She has 2 sons, ages 4 & 3, and a set of twins who just turned a year old. She has chosen to homeschool and and runs a preschool out of her home. Her plate is very full, and yet she still felt like there was something more she should be doing. She recognized that she WAS in the right place, doing the best possible things for her family. Her insight made me more aware of how often we, as women, look beyond the mark and think what we’re doing somehow isn’t enough. We do have our limits–and we will not do the most important things as well if we are spreading ourselves too thin with too many commitments.
If I am honest, I feel like I’m a pretty good mom. I’m not perfectly organized, I’m not perfectly patient with my kids (translation: sometimes I yell), my home doesn’t look like something from a craft/design blog :), and my kids still fight, whine, and complain (especially when im trying to get them to work). BUT my kids are usually happy. And so am I.
Thank you both Heather and Amanda (commenter)!! You have both help me realize that I am in the right place at the right time in my life! How I needed both of you today!!!!! THANK YOU.
Hi Karen, so glad that the post today was helpful. It is comforting to realize that what we are doing right now is the right thing for us. Have a wonderful weekend and a Happy Halloween.
Amanda, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. Perfectly said. Today your strength touched others lives too. Thank you thank you.
I love this! I needed this today! Thank you!
Lisa, thanks for your comment. I am so glad that the post was helpful. Have a great weekend.
“joy comes in the moments” -so very true! Thank you for sharing these thoughts, they ring true with me. And since you asked, one thing I love about myself is my kind heart.
Sarah, thank you for your comment, and for “standing up”. A kind heart, what a beautiful thing to recognize and love about yourself.
This is a really thought provoking post. I live in a house of boys and often wonder if my voice is heard at all! And right now I’m getting over shoulder surgery and have struggled to let people do things for me – something I wouldn’t hesitate to do for others. It was good to be reminded that we are strong and individual, us girls! And the one thing that I love about myself is being able to see beauty where others often don’t (and that my eldest son has ‘caught’ this from me!!)
You have no idea how much I needed to read this post today. I am struggling so much right now in a place that has been toxic for a while. I have let it get me down to the point that I have begun to blame myself and almost believe I will never be good enough. I need to try the rubber band trick!