Heather here from Familyvolley.com, and today we are talking about over parenting. As parents, it is our job to help our children grow up to become responsible adults. Over parenting hinders them from normal development and keeps them from gaining the skills they need to become responsible and successful adults.
(FYI-This is just a fun photo to go with this post. I had a hard time finding one that would fit so I decided to go with humor. These two kids are my favorite :) and I love their personalities…which was NOT caused by over parenting –Amy)!
Want to know if you are over parenting your kids? Here are three signs to consider.
If you do things for your kids that they can do for themselves, you are probably over parenting. As parents we have a tendency to step in and do everything for our kids. It is usually because we are impatient or don’t want to deal with the mess that could be made if they did it themselves. Instead of taking over and trying to control, our rule of thumb should be “Don’t do something for your child that they could do themselves.” This teaches them to do things for themselves, to govern their own time and space, and they gain confidence in their abilities.
If you talk more than you listen, you are probably over parenting.
We have a tendency to lecture to our kids. We think if we say it over and over, our children will change and do things how we want them to. Really, we keep talking because WE need to make the point, not because it is best for our children to hear it over and over. The fact is, the more we talk and lecture, the less they will listen. Make your rule of thumb to listen 4 times more than you talk.
If you see your child as something that needs to be “fixed”, you are probably over parenting.
It is easy to feel like our children need to be perfect. That their grades and performance and personality are a reflection of us and must be without flaws (so that we are without flaws). Fact is, our kids are not perfect and neither are we. Thinking that we need to control them so that they will represent us in a perfect manner isn’t healthy. Our children have agency to make their own decisions. When those decisions are not the same ones we would make, that doesn’t mean we are bad parents. Instead of trying to “fix” our kids we need to do our best to teach and raise and then accept that they will then make their own decisions.
It is a natural reaction as parents to try and protect ourselves from the pain of having to watch our children hurt, fail or make mistakes. And even though it is hard to see our children grow and develop, over parenting is not the answer. Even if it saves us time and energy and worry now, the pain will come later when our children don’t have the skills and understanding they need to be responsible adults.
Have a question, or just want to say hello? You can find me at FamilyVolley.com. On Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter. Or send me an email. I love making new friends!
P.S. Don’t miss my new online podcast! The LIVING ROOM! The show made iTunes TOP 10 in the New and Noteworthy Category, 6 weeks running!
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