Heather here from FamilyVolley.com. Today we are talking yelling. Being a parent is tough, no doubt about it. With so much going on in family life, it can be easy to raise our voice with our kids. If you feel like you get a little loud too often, know you are not alone. And although there are a number of reasons we might yell, from stress and strain, to exhaustion, to the way we were raised, here are 5 Tips to Stop Yelling and lower your voice.
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Get to know yourself.
The first thing we need to do is understand what our trigger points are and what sets us off. Do you raise your voice when your kids talk back? Or is it when they won’t eat their dinner. Maybe it is just when you are really REALLY tired. Take inventory of yourself and figure out what situations are triggers. Knowing is half the battle. Once we pinpoint the trouble situations we can avoid them and prepare for them.
Safeguard yourself and your kids.
Stay away from situations the set you off and do what is needed to stay safe. For example, it is hard to be patient when we are tired. So… don’t try to function on 4 hours of sleep each day. Go to bed earlier. Kids act up when they are tired too. So… make sure they get enough sleep. Maybe shopping with your kids is a trigger for you because they beg for every single thing they see in the store. So… don’t take them shopping. Go late at night when your spouse can be home or do a kid swap with a friend so you can go alone. Prepare for “yelling situations” and stay clear of them. Or if they touch everything in Target, have them sit in the cart, where their little hands can’t reach.
Be reasonable and commit.
There are no such thing as perfect parents or perfect kids. We can’t expect to never lose patience and we can’t expect our kids to never talk back or throw a tantrum. That is called perfection. Have reasonable expectations for life. And for situations. Expecting our kids to sit in car seats for hours is going to lead to blow ups. Know that tough days will happen and commit to accept them and handle them without a raised voice.
This one is funny, but it TOTALLY works. Whenever I feel like raising my voice, I whisper. The first time I did it my son looked at me so strangely. At first it might feel funny, but it will defuse the situation, calm you and calm your children. It is pretty impossible to be angry while you whisper. Try it. :)
Count before you say a word.
You have probably heard this one before, but it works. Before you say one single word to your kids, count to ten. The key to getting this to work is to count to ten before you talk to them, even you are not frustrated or wanting to yell. So, when they ask what is for dinner, pause, count, and then respond. You won’t have to do this forever, but at the beginning, it will cause you to think before you speak, which is exactly what we need to do.
Yelling at our children might get us a response or modified behavior in the moment, but it hurts our relationships with our kids and only produces temporary results. Change your yells to a whisper and everyone will feel better about family life.
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Do you ever wonder if you are the only woman who runs errands in yoga pants so it will look like you went to the gym? Or feed your kids raw cookie dough? Or do you think your the only one who “cooks” her family cereal for dinner?
Do you need more laughter and less loudness, more self-love and less self-loathing, more joy and less judgement? You are not alone!
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