It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us some Parenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…
–Amy
Our oldest daughter is usually flattered by the attention her younger siblings are constantly giving her. But, even though she is a great big sister, she also needs her space.
Listen
It is easy to “push” oldest children aside, because younger kids are making more noise. Make sure that even though they are older, and might be more understanding or self-sufficient, that you still listen and give them the time and attention they deserve.
Oldest doesn’t equal babysitter…
Protect and respect their”stuff”
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Tara says
Love this!
Ellie says
Great post. I can really empathise with your eldest – I am the eldest of eight kids!!!
Space and privacy were almost impossible. And I knew from an early age how to change nappies/diapers and feed babies – skills that came in very handy when I had my own kids but I didnt really appreciate learning them at the time.
I suppose the important thing to remember is that the eldest is just a kid too. Not a mini adult.
But at least now my siblings still listen to me because for years I told them I knew everything and they were only babies who knew nothing!!! ;)
Heather Johnson says
Haha, Ellie, that is funny. Love that your siblings look up to you still. What you said about remembering that they are just kids too, not mini adults, is really important. And although the child raising skills come in handy and are good to learn, learning them too soon, or being expected to do too much, will foster resentment.
I totally agree and I would add to refrain from saying, “You’re the oldest, you should know better.” This was said to me a lot growing up and it made me feel that my younger siblings could get away with anything just because they were younger.
Her Sunday, good advice. It is really important to watch what we say. Oldest often have the feeling that younger siblings get away with anything. As parents we have to be careful.
Wow! I am the olderst and I relate to almost everything you mentioned. I was a built-in babysitter until I told my parents that I was turning down “paying” babysitting jobs to watch my siblings for free. I was constantly asked to give in to keep the peace because my younger siblings threw tantrums. My siblings always got into my stuff and were NEVER punished because they didn’t know any better. And here is the situation that still sends me to therapy….I had to wait until I was 12 to get my ears pierced and this was a very difficult trial for me because all of my friends had pierced ears. On the appointed day, my parents took me to get my ears pierced and allowed my sisters to get theirs pierced too because it wouldn’t be fair to them if they were not included. They, of course, were not 12 yet…..I don’t think I will ever get over that no matter how much therapy I get….
Oh Phaedra, that IS quite the blow! I would have been confused and devastated also. The only good part: knowing how you felt, you will make sure you do things differently with your oldest. That way, she/he won’t have to battle the same feelings. :)
We have got to be so careful as parents. Our actions have lasting impressions that can really take a toll on our kids.
I admire that you attempt to explain things to your children, my mother always said we were kids and didn’t deserve an explanation for anything. Also, i enjoyed oldest doesn’t equal babysitter, it really doesn’t. Growing up, when it came time to move out,i thought the reason my mom was upset and didn’t want me to leave was because she’d have to pay for a babysitter.. after having kids I’ve come to the conclusion that helping when necessary is great, but i should never depend on her.
Skylar, you make such great points. Explaining things to our kids is important. We don’t have to explain everything, but open communication with the right things is important.
It is really easy for parents to fall into the “babysit the kids” trap. So great that you have learned to let your oldest be a kid, not your constant babysitter. She will love you for realizing that.