Happy September! Heather here, from FamilyVolley.com. School bells are ringing for our family and we are getting used to the new routine of the school year. Although to be honest, I am missing the laid back, wear your swimsuit all day, never need socks, days of summer. I love not having to wash socks in the summer because everyone is always in flip flops or barefoot. Today I want to talk to you about how to recognize depression in children.
Last week I was at school waiting to pick up our kids, and talking to a friend of mine who was there for the same purpose. As we were talking about our children adjusting, she mentioned that her 9 year old daughter had recently been diagnosed with depression. She mentioned that in hindsight, the symptoms had been there for about two years, but because she didn’t know what to look for, she had missed them. She just assumed she had a really moody daughter. So today, I want to share with you the symptoms of depression, so we all know what to look for and can help our children if they need it.
It wasn’t until about 20-25 years ago that doctors acknowledged that kids could suffer from depression.
Diagnosing a child can be really tricky because the symptoms of depression mimic those of ADHD, and because childhood is filled with so many changing moods and growing stages, it is hard to know if it is growing pains, or depression.
It is very easy to mistake depressed behavior for normal developmental problems. Childhood is complicated and children are developing and changing their personalities all the time. Adolescents can causes changes that may be normal, but are difficult for parents to know how to deal with, and even professionals can have a hard time identifying when the line is crossed from normal development and depression.
So as parents, caregivers, teachers, and grandparents, what should we be looking for?
What are the symptoms we should be looking for in our children?
1. Persistent sad or empty mood, or irritable moods. These could be self reported or seen by others.
2. Zero interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities most of the day, nearly every day, especially their favorite activities. These could be self reported or seen by others.
3. Major changes in appetite and/or body weight.
4. Trouble sleeping OR oversleeping
5. Physical slowing observed by others.
6. Agitation
7. Fatigue
8. Loss of energy.
9. Feeling worthless or guilty, when there is no need.
10. Difficulty thinking or concentrating
11. Indecisive
12. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.
Nearly all research suggests that although the above symptoms will vary, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, when there is no need, MUST BE PRESENT.
So how can we know this is different than a bad day or growing pains?
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Must last for an extended period of time.
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Over 3 weeks. Day in and day out.
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Gets in the way of life. Of school and play.
Now, if we think our child is depressed, what should we do?
First, understand that it is a disease.
When we acknowledge that it is a disease, we will stop blaming our child, stop blaming ourselves, and it will help us stop assuming they are doing it on purpose. Acknowledging that it is a disease will also keep us from telling them to “snap out of it.” We would never tell someone with cancer that it was “their fault” or to “snap out of it.”
Second, Don’t overreact!
Overreacting is not going to help your child, you, or your family. Realize that over 80% of children who are diagnosed as depressed, are able to heal. But, even with the perfect therapist, if your child doesn’t have supportive, level headed parents, they can’t get better.
Third, Be their advocate.
We have to believe our children when they tell us they are struggling, and be on their side. We need to speak up when they don’t have a voice or know what to say. Especially at the beginning of the healing process.
Fourth, Get them help.
Seek out a professional who specializes in childhood depression and get help. Work together with the therapist to do what is best for your child.Although we all hope our children never have to deal with depression, it is real, and we should all know what to look for.
Do any of you have a child who is suffering, or has suffered from depression? What has been your experience?
Have a question, or just want to say hello? You can find me at FamilyVolley.com. On Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter. Or send me an email. I love making new friends.
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Mrs Mike says
My son, who is now 11, was diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar disorder when he was 9. We saw early signs when he was 5, but it wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind. When he started struggling in school with social issues when he was 7 was when I took him to be evaluated. I didn’t know “what” was wrong, but I knew something was off. We tried diet changes and some natural treatments first, but when he told me he didn’t see himself living past 18, I knew we needed to try a different approach. Now he’s on a mild anti-depressant and under the care of an excellent doctor. Every single one of his teachers called me the month after he went on the medication to tell me what a HUGE difference they saw in my son. I encourage other parents to get their children diagnosed. I allowed the school to classify him as Special Education for emotional needs, which I also struggled with because I didn’t want him labeled, but it opened up additional services for him and lets the schools modify his education plan to best meet HIS needs.
The third point here, be your child’s advocate, can’t be stressed enough. I have an amazing, funny, bright kid. But no one saw that when he was struggling constantly. I had to fight to find doctors that would diagnose and treat him (the wait lists can be horrible) but it was worth it in the end. There are still rough days, but the good days far far out weigh them now.
Heather Johnson says
Mrs. Mike, I LOVE this success story. Thank you for sharing it with us. How wonderful that you have found the help your son needs.
Orsi Harrach says
Hi, thanks for this interesting article.
I am a Hungarian woman, working – among others – for a Hungarian website (www.natursziget.com) which is about healthy life.
I have read the above article, and have found it interesting for our readers. Do you mind, if I translate it, and send it to the editors for possible publishing? Of course I would mention your website (shall I mention The Idea room or Family Volley?) as the source.
Nicole Schwarz says
Thank you for this clear description of symptoms and fantastic list of steps. As a therapist, I always encourage people to check with a mental health professional if they have a hunch that something might not be right with their child. It may feel like overreacting, but that’s ok. Most therapists are happy to help you sort through what is developmentally typical and what is outside of the “norm.”
Mrs. Kay says
Very informative article! I would like to to add that parents should always explore ALL possible explanations for a child’s changed behavior/mood. At 15, my daughter was a poster child for all of the symptoms mentioned here…the changes in her happened slowly over several months. We had her evaluated by her long-time pediatrician who placed her on an antidepressant and referred her to a good child psychiatrist and a therapist specializing in teenagers. She attended a small private school so all of her teachers had known her since she was 5 years old and were aware of the situation, working with us to keep her grades even keel. She started exhibiting more aggressive/violent tendencies about 4 months into treatment and her diagnosis was tentatively changed from depression to bi-polar (which runs in my family). Her meds were changed but the situation kept slowly deteriorating. Getting her to care about her appearance, friends, studies or even, on some mornings, getting her our of bed to go to school was becoming more and more difficult……it reached a crisis point until on one crisp winter morning—I told her she didn’t have to go to school—ever again. I told her that I would homeschool her (and no—I didn’t know one thing about homeschooling). In that single instant, I got my daughter back. It turns out that since the beginning of the school year, she had been bullied by girls she had known her entire life. It started out by them just making snide comments but by the start of January, most of the girls in her grade were making her life hell. We thought that she had just lost interest in hanging out with friends due to depression. We thought her grades were dropping due to depression. We thought that the aggressive behavior was indeed caused by being bi-polar. All the while, she was keeping what was happening at school to herself. Her teachers were totally unaware of what was happening in the halls at school….they assumed that her withdrawal from the other kids in class was because of depression since they were working with us (most were personal friends) and knew the initial diagnosis. Did my daughter finally tell me about the bullying? No….I few days after I told my daughter that she could stay home, a mother approached me in the grocery store and told me that her daughter (in a different grade) had told her what my daughter had been going through at school. At that moment, a light bulb went off in my head….it all made sense. She WAS depressed….a situational depression started because kids can be cruel. I homeschooled her the rest of the year and slowly got my daughter back. We changed schools the next year and she was back on track. Are there residual effects from the ordeal? Absolutely, she has trouble trusting girls and isn’t as comfortable in social situations….but she’s finishing up her last year of college and has flourished. I’m telling this story so parents can be aware and to probe exhaustively if depression symptoms start to appear in their child.
Beth M. says
Thank you, Mrs Kay, for sharing your story. I happened upon this article on Facebook this morning after scheduling an initial visit, for my daughter, with a therapist yesterday afternoon. The timing of this article and your response only solidifies that I did exactly what I need to be doing for my daughter. The thought of homeschooling terrifies me, but the thought of her continuing to suffer is even more terrifying. If there are suggestions of steps to take now, I would love to get any help I can.
Thanks again, Amy, for posting this on FB and Mrs Kay for confirming that I am on the right track to help my daughter! You both made this dreary, rainy day so much brighter for me!
Larrissa says
Hello! Im a single mother of a 6 year old ( he just turned 6 March 20th) his father is still in his life but comes and goes and doesn’t have much stability. I never have either until the last year I’ve made a lot of positive changes. I’ve just noticed that my son is having difficulty in school getting along with one particular kid and I try to tell him not to let the kid get to him and I’ve talked to his teacher and she says its Tyson too ( which I’m sure it is!! It’s most definitely both of them) I also suffer from depression since I was at least 13 maybe even younger and it runs in my family.. Big time. I don’t think one person in my family doesn’t suffer from depression and past or present addictions to drugs and alcohol. My son has changed me for the better. He’s very attached and tells me he loves me a million times a day but I sense something deep down inside of him is sad and it’s a lot of little things that may have built up. We struggle in the morning and argue because he doesn’t like to listen. And he doesn’t like to get up most of the time. He’s been whining a lot! Says school sucks everyday and he hates it and doesn’t want to go… And now his teacher sent a referral to someone and they called me from his school and want to meet to have him evaluated. He looses interest quick. I do math with him and he does fine on the first few and sees their are more and says ” I’m all done I don’t feel like finishing it” and literally is good at changing the subject so he gets me distracted. I have had add: adhd my whole life I just knew I had to pay extra attention and I took classes I was interested in of course… I guess my whole point is in worried he may have some depression and I want to help him so he doesn’t take the wrong path to distructiveness like the rest of my family… I would love some advice myself on ways to make mornings more fun cuz I’m not a morning person myself either but to help him feel better about himself – give him a few responsibilities that he can definitely complete and feel good about!? I don’t know? I’m sure I will figure out some ways especially since it’s something I’m determined to do… Which is to help him be a more positive person now! And if he’s not happy, well then let’s change it and do something different? You know? Life’s to short to be miserable I always say!
The Idea Room Assistant says
It sounds like you already are doing all the right things. You can tell that you love your son very much and I think that is the most important thing that you can do for him. Good luck in your parenting journey. You may want to ask Heather from http://www.familyvolley.com/ she will be able to answer your questions better. She has a Masters Degree in Youth and Family Recreation and is great at what she does!
Hello,
I believe that my son has been suffering from depression for a long time. He is now 23 years old, is doing nothing with his life and has very few interests. I have tried to talk to doctors but when your child turns 18 you lose all your parental authorities and nobody will listen. My son lives at home, tells us that nothing is wrong with him and that he will find a job but we know that he isn’t really looking. He spends a lot of time in bed. He is very talented with computers but doesn’t have the drive to start his life! I hope that other parents work on this early, before your child turns 18! The frustration and helpless feeling for parents is unbearable!
So sorry. That can be so frustrating. Hope he is able to get some help.
This was really helpful!! Thank you!! It helped me as an adult to recognize depression in my life.
Dani- So happy that you found this post helpful. Bless you and your journey.